Favorite Photo and More Bookish Thoughts

Hi.

Today I'm supposed to show you my favorite picture of myself and explain why it's my favorite.

To be honest, I initially gravitated towards photos of me with other people, thinking of the relationships represented.  Whether it was Jered and the way he was looking at me, or an old family photo that reminded me of my childhood, or maybe a photo that reminded me of a fun experience- like the one of me jumping off an enormous rock into the river on a missions trip.  But, I'm working on standing on my own a little more, so I decided to look for one of just me, hard as that may be.

I also, admittedly, tend to like pictures that are flattering.  The ones where I think I look pretty, or fit, or tan.

But when I thought of this picture, I knew it was my favorite.  It isn't the clearest.  The lighting isn't the greatest.  It's not the most flattering picture in the world, but it captured something I never want to forget.

It was taken moments before we headed to the parlor outside of the sanctuary.  I. couldn't. wait.  I was giddy at the thought of seeing Jered at the end of the aisle.  Guys- I was literally jumping up and down.  I was bursting.  I wanted to run down that aisle and skip straight to the "I do's."  (Ok, and maybe the kiss.)

And I had never been more certain of anything in my life.  

I was getting ready to start a life together with a godly, loving, strong, intelligent, dedicated, respectable, sexy man.  And I think this photo captures a little of how that thought affected me.

I also wanted to take the time to talk a little more about Captivating today- sorry if this gets a little lengthy.

I just read a chapter where they touched on spiritual warfare, a topic we don't think about all that often.  I don't typically think about it unless I'm reading about it somewhere.  The first time the subject really, really got to me was when I read This Present Darkness and Piercing the Darkness by Frank Peretti.  They made me think about spiritual warfare in a whole new light.

Anyway, in Captivating, they talk about different ways that we come under attack, and the power we have when we pray in the name of Christ.  It reminded me of a time during which I was reading one of those books for the first time.  It was our church's Easter program, and I had a solo in the choir.  (If you know me at all, you'll know that I'm even more afraid of singing in front of people than I am of speaking in front of them.)

I had managed to grow fairly comfortable with it throughout our rehearsals, but the day of the program was a different story.  During the whole song before mine, I started shaking with nervousness.  A paralyzing, crushing nervousness.  It was intense.  And weird; although I never cared for singing in front of people, this was not my first time, and I had never had a reaction like this one.

I thought of the book I had been reading.  How it detailed the demons creeping into people's lives, sitting on their shoulders, digging their talons into their arms, latching on.  Demons such as jealousy, anxiety, depression, pride, insecurity, and so on.  And then I pictured a slithering little demon sitting on my shoulder, trying to make me nervous and distracting me from the message we were trying to share with the congregation through music.

So I decided to do what they did in the book.  I prayed in the name of Jesus Christ that any demons there would be sent away.  That I would be freed from their grasp.

It was amazing; I literally felt the weight come off.

Now, I tend to land more on the cynical side and think people with stories like that are exaggerating or reading into something too much.  You know what I mean?  But I can honestly say that I believe I felt God work in me that day.

Captivating specifically details how spiritual warfare can be aimed at destroying relationships.  She talked about lies she started believing in their marriage, and how when she and her husband prayed over them they were able to see the truth.  She also discussed ways she felt under attack physically, and it made me think of a similar problem in my own life.

I get alot of headaches.  The worst ones are fairly routine.  (You know, hormone related.)  However, it seems that whenever Jered and I have major plans, I get a headache.

One time, we were heading home a little early from hanging out with our friends in Chicago, and he turned to me and said, "You know what I think?  I think Satan is giving you headaches to try to make us fight."  (He obviously was getting quite tired of me not feeling well half the time we wanted to hang out with people.)

I think he's absolutely right, and I'm not sure why we haven't prayed about it more.  His insight that night struck me.  It made so much sense, but I had just assumed my headaches were a natural part of life.  But as Stasi says in the book, "It's amazing what we will live with because we think it's normal when it is not."

Almost done.

I always just thought of spiritual warfare as an unfortunate result of sin, and I suppose that's partially true, but the awesome thing about our God is that He can create beauty and goodness out of the ugliest parts of life.

"He uses spiritual warfare in our lives to strengthen our faith, 

to draw us closer to him, to train us for the roles we are meant to play, 

to encourage us to play those roles, and to prepare us for our future at his side."

"Much of what he allows in your life is not for you to simply accept, 

but to get you to rise up!  God wants you to know how to wield the weapons of warfare, 

how to take a stand, and how to fight."

Cool, yeah?  We have an important role to play, and He wants us to to be fully prepared and ready for it, and while He teaches us how to do so, He's going to draw us into a closer relationship with Him.

That was a little long, but I hope those thoughts will encourage you and empower you like they did for me.

Talk to you later,

Aim

A Struggle

Hey.

For the sixteenth day of the writing challenge, I'm supposed to tell you something difficult about my "lot in life," and how I'm working to overcome it.


I have a good life.  Jered and I are extremely blessed right now.  However, if I had to discuss something difficult we are dealing with right now... I guess it would be school loans.  But really, that's just difficult for me.  Jered doesn't get stressed out over it like I do.

The thing is, if we were both just working, I wouldn't think anything of it- we'd just work and knock it out of the picture.  However, Jered's plans to go back to school mean bigger and "better" loans.  More studying for him means less room for overtime at work.  My current job means no opportunity for overtime.  The fact that he potentially has many years of school ahead basically has us waiting to pay off those loans until he's finished.

It's forcing me to practically ignore everything that I've been taught about money.  After all, I come from a Dave Ramsey-following family.  (Don't worry, Dad!  Being debt-free is still 100% the goal!)  It's just that with more school loans coming into play, paying them all off is going to be put on hold for a while.  And I hate that.

So I'm trusting that in the future, it will all pay off.  Literally.  And I'm trusting in my husband to take care of me, just like I know he will.  And mostly, I'm trusting that we are doing everything in our power to follow God's will and that He'll continue to provide.

The other not-so-great part of Jered's plan to go back to school is the gross amount of studying it's going to take.  I'm not a fan of all the time I'm being forced to share with his books already.

So, to deal with that, I'm trying to remind myself of why he's doing it.  I still need to work at making the most of the time he's not studying.  The weather helps with that sometimes.  Going on a jog together last week was much more special than sitting in front of the T.V.

Last night we never turned on the T.V. after dinner.  Instead, we just listened and sang/hummed along to a variety of music as we (mostly I) worked on the Beauty and the Beast puzzle.  And it was really nice.  He even played a few of his harmonica tunes for me.

Well, until next time.

Aim

Life with Huckleberry Finn

Hi.

I've been slacking on the writing prompts lately, and today will be no exception.  Maybe we'll get back to that tomorrow.

I must confess: I cannot wait to get home because our apartment is in top form right now.  Saturday was beautiful, and rather than playing outside as would have been preferable, I spent it majorly cleaning.  It was alright though because the fresh breeze throughout the place made the work much more enjoyable, even pleasant.  (Although cleaning the floors has left my back in pain.)

Anyway, it looks and smells bright and fresh and new again.  It makes for a far nicer place in which to relax.

Jered is on a Craigslist binge right now, constantly combing the free page for something worth picking up to sell and make a profit.  As long as our apartment doesn't become cluttered with junk he can't get rid of, I'm fine with it, and if he can actually make some money from doing so, super.  We made a run last night to pick up a free entertainment center that he is working on selling now.

On our way home from that errand, we stopped by the lake so he could cast a few times.  I didn't really want to go, but I had promised the day before that I would.  It was cold.  And windy.  And I whined.  But gosh, he's cute in his quirky get-up, trudging across the sandy banks with his tackle box and fishing rod in hand.

  

Don't be fooled- that sunshine you see lasted for about a minute.  Also- you may or may not be able to tell, the mister got his hairs cut this weekend.  *Wolf whistle*  

Aside from some birds, this little guy is the only sign of life we saw.  (He's probably about the size of a nickel, but Jered's hawk eyes found him instantly when we were on our way back to the trail.)

I have a feeling we will be spending many a Saturday and Sunday afternoons this way.  I'm just fine with that idea, as long as the sun is shining most of the time and we think to bring chairs or towels with us.  (Although when Jered brings his boat home, we won't need either.)  I'll take my books, Jered can fish, and I think we'll have some lovely times.

Talk to you later,

Aim

A Day in the Life

Hey.

Today I'm supposed to give you a glimpse of my every day.  She suggested a photo an hour if we'd like to, but with it being a work day, that wouldn't be too interesting for you.  (Oh, and since I almost never write in the evenings any more, you get a look at a fairly typical Monday.)

I try to give myself at least an hour to get ready for work because if at all possible, I prefer to have my breakfast at home rather than at work.  Yesterday was one of those quiet mornings where I slipped back in bed to eat my cereal next to a still-snoozing husband.

A touch after 8, I head downtown to go to work, and settle into my desk with my morning coffee.  As you should know by now, I'm not usually so busy that I have no free time.  In fact, I'd wager a guess that I'm only busy thirty percent of the time.  (Or I'm doing something that I don't need to rush on and can multitask by watching a flick at the same time.)

Yesterday was of the less busy variation.  Therefore, I caught up on my blog reading list, and watched T.V. shows, starting with Revenge.

And that's about how my morning goes...  Oh, and have I mentioned that as the front desk person, I have to call someone to cover for me when I need to go to the restroom?  Yeah, quite possibly my least favorite aspect of my job.  Someday, I will have a job where I can go to the restroom whenever and for however long I please.

I've been trying to bring my lunch from home more often.  I went through a nice long phase that included me going to Palmer's almost every day for the soup... But bringing food from home is really a much better plan.  I read my daily Bible selection from the Bible app on my phone while I eat, and then usually have another book to fill the rest of my break.  Right now, that means Captivating.

The afternoon is filled with more of the same.  Although yesterday, I did have a bit of work to take up time.  After catching up on my current shows, I switched to watching The Bible miniseries on Netflix.  More on that later.

 

My drive home includes taking a glance at the beautiful downtown, and getting frustrated at people who seem to be in no hurry to get home.  And yesterday, noticing how badly my windshield needs cleaning.  You can tell it's getting nice out when you have bug splats all over the window, right?

If Jered had the day off or worked in the morning, I usually walk in to harmonica music.  (I had to assure him that I was only taking a picture of him practicing, not recording.)  And when I need a few extra hands, he helps me with dinner.  I don't know if it's because he's trying to be helpful or if he's just hungry and wants to eat.  Either way, I'm ok with the result.

 

With the beautiful weather becoming more frequent, I think it's safe to say that evening jogs are going to become more frequent as well.  Luckily, I had some company for last night's.

 

Can we say "hurray for shorts weather?!"  Now if only we could get some more hot and sunny weekends to get a bit of that darkened skin that I love so much.

While we stretched at the end of our jog, I managed to get Jered to try out some Pilates moves.  If I had taken photos during that, you probably would have gotten a good chuckle out of the two of us trying to perfect the Jackknife.  

Quite often, our nights end with a Redbox movie.  Or in my case, half of a Redbox movie.  Last night was no exception, as we settled in with our snacks to watch some movie about Dickens.  I don't even know what it was called, but Ralph Fiennes was in it.

Well, there you have it.   A look at a typical day.  Now, if you have it in you to read a bit more, I have some more thoughts I'd like to share with you.

I mentioned I was watching The Bible series.  Normally, I have a little bit of a hard time getting into the Jesus movies because the acting sometimes rivals that of Hallmark movies.  Know what I mean?  However, they had this playing on T.V. all Easter weekend, so we caught snippets of it on Saturday and Sunday.  When I saw it on Netflix I thought I'd go ahead and watch it in its entirety.  I would recommend it.  Seriously, the last supper scene will have your eyes watering.

A different Jesus movie was playing when I got home on Friday.  It looked a little cheesier, and they took even more artistic freedoms, but my mom watched it as she baked four pies that night.  Later, I had the opportunity to sit down and talk to her about some very real, very difficult, very unfounded fears in my life.  She told me about the scene in that Jesus movie where Satan tempts Jesus.

In the movie, Satan showed Jesus all of the terrible things that happen in the future.  His crucifixion.  The Holocaust.  Wars.  He tells him that what he's doing won't change mankind.  They are still going to be sinful.  He will make no difference.  One of the creative licenses the film took was creating a romance between Jesus and Mary Magdalene.  A pure romance, and one that he never acts on because he knows what his future entails.  So Satan shows him her face to tempt him.  Shows him what he's giving up to follow God's will.  And Jesus is pained.

While this may be freely adapted, my mom told me that the point of it was to show that Jesus does understand every temptation, every pain, every fear that we experience.  And that all I need to do is pray in his name when those fears come creeping in around my heart.  He understands the horrible fears I have, no matter what they are.  He doesn't wish for me to be in pain, but for me to turn to him, pray in his name, and invoke the power of the Holy Spirit to shut down Satan.

And that is pretty cool.  He has put that power within us. 

Well, I just wanted to tell you about how I've been needing God to work in my life, or rather, what I've needed to be reminded of lately.

Until next time,

Aim

Familiar

Hello.

I hope you had a blessed Easter weekend.  Although I missed my man terribly, I had an incredible weekend with my family.  Incredible.  What a beautiful weekend!  Seriously- perfect, with a capital P and a capital ERFECT.

Saturday morning I talked Katie into going walking and jogging with me.  It was a little chilly, but lovely, and we had a nice opportunity to catch up.  (You know, more than just posting funny things to each others' Facebook walls all day.)

We spent that afternoon at The Farm.  The pool lost its winter coat, but still lacks its summer appeal.  I spent a few hours lying out on the deck, reading and then falling asleep in the sun, listening to the rambunctious sounds of my family playing cards.  It was so gorgeous out, I just wanted to be outside for the entire day.

   

Miss Selah just keeps getting cuter every time we see her.  She's a funny girl.  The little lamb she got for Easter received lots of kisses from her as soon as she opened it.  Too precious.

  

After church on Sunday, we had Grandma Lynn and Grandpa Tony over for lunch.  We got spoiled with shrimp and chocolate bunnies, laughed alot, reminisced over old CDs, and attempted to take one good picture for Easter.  It may have taken awhile, but we got there eventually.

  

The girls enjoyed another beautiful afternoon by lying out on a big blanket in the yard, listening to music, reading, and falling asleep in the sun.

Then I was royally spoiled with what looks like a week's worth of Easter dinner leftovers for Jered and me, and a full gas tank to start my journey home.  Some of the old CDs we found included Shania Twain, so obviously I rocked out to some old favorites all the way to Des Moines.  It's funny how you can not listen to something for years, but as soon as you pop in those songs, the lyrics come back to you as if you've never stopped listening to them.  They're still familiar.  Still part of you.

We've had the comforter we used that afternoon for as long as I can remember, and the most amazing thing happened while we were enjoying it.  I turned my head to the side and caught the scent of the blanket.  I don't know if it was a combination of the heat in the blanket and the smell of grass beneath it, or what, but it smelled exactly the same as it did when we were little.  I might as well have been lying out on it fifteen or more years ago in that moment because it felt precisely the same.  

Just like when we go out to The Farm.  My feet know that deck.  They've walked across it countless times, and even after seasons of being away or shut inside, it feels as though it was just a day ago that my toes last encountered it.

I love the familiarity of home.  I drive in Canton and don't have to think about where I'm going.  It's as if everything I do while I'm there is by muscle memory.  And my house.  My house still gets the same smell every year when it starts to warm up outside.  And although it always feels the same, I find myself needing to look all around the house as soon as I get home to see if anything is different.  But each time, it amazes me how quickly I'm able to settle in and feel as though absolutely no time has passed.

That familiarity, like you've never left, like all those things are a part of you, is amazing.  For me, it feels like a special gift from God.  A gift to hold all those little details in my heart.  To hold on to the familiar.  At least, that's what I felt for the majority of this weekend.

Back to the writing prompts tomorrow!

Aim

Happy

Hey.

I didn't really mean to put this letter off until today, but it is appropriate because today's prompt is all about things that make me happy.  Fridays certainly do that.  Not counting Fridays, I am supposed to share ten things with you.


I thought we'd keep it extra light today, so I'm going to tell you ten simple things that bring me joy.  You should probably listen to THIS SONG while you read.  Catch my happy!

1.

Am I right?  Anything Disney just thrills me.  I saw this picture and just about died of excitement because I wanted to look through the whole thing and identify every character.  I have a particular fondness of the older ones though.  I mean who doesn't see the following picture and die from nostalgic bliss?

2.

Sorry family- this one isn't about you. It's about being tan.  I love, love, love being tan.  (I told you we weren't getting too serious today.)  I know it's shallow.  I know it's bad for me.  But being brown makes me feel a million times better about myself.  

3.

Oh my.  Seriously- these turn me into a child.  I could eat them until I get sick.

4. 

Musicals.  Broadway.  Film.  Who cares?  I love them all!  (Ok, I did not love Cats.)  But come on- Oklahoma, Mamma Mia, Meet Me in St. Louis, Wicked, Grease, anything Elvis???  How can someone not become instantly happy while watching these?

5. 

I don't know what it is about them, but every time I slip into my black skinny jeans, I like my outfit at least ten times more than I do wearing any other pants.  Weird?  Maybe, but it makes me happy.

6.

I've never cared about receiving flowers as a gift, but I do like the idea of having fresh flowers in our apartment.  They're so cheerful and lovely, and recently I've fallen in love with peonies.  They're just so plump and full and the orangish ones are so full of happy.

7.

Oh my word.  I could eat fresh fruit all day, errr-day.  I could live on it.  I wish that was healthy and acceptable.

8.

The beach makes me incredibly happy.  And vacations.  Vacations to the beach = the very best.

9.

I went through a phase where I hated wearing tennis shoes.  Now, I feel like I can't get enough pairs of running shoes.  (Although I can't say that I'm to a place where I can rationalize having a bunch of pairs yet.)  There's just something wonderful about sticking your feet into some brand new runners.

10.

Books.  Digging into a great book makes me super happy.  It creates an escape, a release, inspiration, motivation.  I love reading.  If I could give younger students any one piece of advice, it would be to read, read, read.  Always.

Well, there you have it, ten things.  Some simple, some silly.  All make me a happy girl.

Pretty soon, I will be hitting the road, heading toward a ton of really special things that make me happy.

Have a spectacular Easter weekend!

Aim

An Apology and Some Thoughts on a Book

Hey there.

Eh.  I'm not particularly excited about today's prompt.  For today, the thirteenth day of the challenge, I am to issue a public apology.  It can be as serious, funny, or creative as I like.


While I'm certain we all have something we could seriously apologize for, I can't think of anything at the moment.  That probably sounds horrible, but oh well.  Maybe I just can't think of anything I would apologize for without rationalizing.

Therefore, I'm going to resort to that newish phrase many of us hate:  I'm sorry I'm not sorry.

So here it goes: I'm sorry that I'm not sorry for posting a ridiculous amount of pictures featuring my beautiful niece all over Facebook.  In case you missed those, enjoy a few of them now:

  

 

  

 

So, I'm a little over halfway through Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge.  I received it as a gift from my mom in 2007.  This is the first time I've gotten around to reading it.  

Oh, how I wish I'd gotten to it sooner.  Before Jered and I got married.  Before we were engaged.  Before we started dating.  Before I met him.  And then over again as soon as I finished it.  And then again and again and again and again.  

Let me say this:  this is a book all women need to read.  Right away.  All teenage girls should read it.  Before they even consider dating.  Ok, that might be a stretch, since it is actually written to women, but it's just that good.  And I think it's something we need to be reminded of until it is deep-seated in our souls.

Have I made my point yet?  Let me elaborate on the book's contents.  The subtitle of the book is Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul.  Convinced?  Who doesn't want to figure out that mystery, right?  I think as women, we mystify ourselves, so how can we expect men to understand us?  (I simply cannot believe that I am the only one feeling that way- which is why I am in love with this book- I do not feel alone in the struggle.)

While the first half of my book is heavily graffitied with lines and circled sections and stars and exclamation points, I'm going to try to just share a few of my favorite parts with you.

I love what the book has to say about God' character.  (I know- I just told you the book was about the secrets of a woman's soul.  Just hang on.)

First, you'll discover that God is relational to his core, that he has a heart for romance.  Second, that he longs to share adventures with us- adventures you cannot accomplish without him.  And finally, that God has a beauty to unveil.  A beauty that is captivating and powerfully redemptive. 

The best part about that, besides the fact that we have a God who desperately longs for a relationship with us, is that they describe the soul of a woman in the same way.  Those are the three ways that God reveals his image in women.  

God and women are both intensely relationship driven.  The world often sees this as a weakness in women.  That they are needy.

Let me share a personal example of this.  A few weeks ago, I made a fairly stupid decision.  In an attempt to understand how Jered sees me, the depths of my character, who I really am, I asked him if he was only allowed two words, how he would describe me.  

He sat and thought for a good solid minute or two, which I hadn't expected.  I thought he would spout off two words without any thought.  (I was later told that he had zoned out for a bit there.)  

His answer:  passionate... and needy.

I dissolved.  My heart broke, right there in his pickup.  And he was frustrated and confused at my reaction.

I have only ever heard Jered call me needy when he was annoyed.  When I seemed too clingy.  And there he was, choosing a negative word to be 50% of my description.  That's a large amount of a person's being to be something negative.  Of alllll the words he could have used.  Needy.  

Now, before I paint my husband in an unfair light, you must know that after we returned home that day, he came back from his shower, found his wife in tears at the kitchen sink, held her as she sobbed, and tried to explain.

It wasn't so much that he was thinking needy, as reliant, or dependent.  Which in my head, still sounded pretty unappealing, but he explained that he was my husband, and I should be able to rely on him.  That he wanted me to be able to. 

(When I talked to my mom about this, we were able to laugh, and she pointed out that it was a classic case of pink and blue headphones.  I wanted to know how Jered saw me, hoping it would be two positive attributes, and Jered was thinking practical and even- one good and bad.  Balanced.)

He was thinking like a man.  I was thinking as a woman.  And I felt like something was wrong. with. me.

What I didn't realize then, was what I would read in this book just a few weeks later about the role of relationships in a woman's soul.

This is not a weakness in women- it is a glory.  A glory that reflects the heart of God.

Wow.

The fact that I long for emotional intimacy, to be delighted in, and to have romance in my life, is a way that God reveals his own personality in mine.  (Of course, thanks to human nature, it often becomes skewed by my sinful self, which is where the ugly traits that we talked about before come into play.)

This is getting lengthy, so I'll try to wrap up this first reflection on the book.  

The other part I loved was when they took a look at the word "helper" used in Genesis when God talks about creating Woman.  Ezer kenegdo is the Hebrew word for it, and a particular scholar who studied it, said it was extremely hard to translate.  "Helper" doesn't quite cut it.  

The phrase ezer is only used about twenty other times in the Old Testament, always referring to God.  Most of the times it is used, it is within the context of God being needed desperately:

Most of the contexts are life and death, and God is your only hope.  Your ezer.  If he is not there beside you... you are dead.  A better translation therefore of ezer would be "lifesaver."  Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart.

Now, I, in all my gangster style, read this and thought to myself, "Hollaaaa!"  

Go ahead, laugh, but isn't that awesome??  Women have an irreplaceable, absolutely essential role to play in this world.  We, as women, are desperately needed.

Ok.  Basically, I would love to share this book with you chapter by chapter, heading by heading.  But maybe you should just read it yourself, and I can just share my reflections on it with you as I continue to read it.  Obviously I could write those reflections forever, so we will have to do a few installments.  (Not to mention I haven't even finished it yet.)

So until next time, take care.

Aim