I've Got Peace Like a River

Hi.

First, I want to thank you for the kind, kind words.  I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of encouragement I found after my last letter.  It is good for us not to feel alone, and I am thankful God has placed you in my life.

Second, for at least the last two mornings I have sat down to my desk at work with the lyrics, "Good morning, good morning, good morning! It's time to rise and shine.  Good morning, good morning, good morning!  I hope you're feeling fine."  Did any of your moms sing that to you when you were little?  I don't know if it's a real song, or if my marlothomas* mom just made it up.

 

    *My mom and Aunt Karen used to say "marlothomas" in place of "marvelous." 

They're weird... and I guess they wore off on me.

Anyway- you know it's a good day when a good morning song pops in your head as soon as you get to work, right?

And today is a very good day.  Last night Jered and I had our own little Christmas date night.  We exchanged our gifts and saw the final Hobbit movie.  (I even got a cute photo of us in front of our tree, but I took it with the camera instead of my phone, so I can't share it with you yet.)  Aaaaand Katie is picking me up after work to go home for the weekend.  I get to see my seester graduate and have Christmas with Mom's side of the family. 



(Jered put these cutie patooties in my stocking.  How adorable are they?  And since I'm all about that neutral, 'bout that neutral, no pink- they are perfect for whatever Baby is.)

 



Ok, ok, so I did actually have a point that I wanted to write about today, but first- do you follow blogs?  I have a list of over forty that I follow.  I go to my blog homepage, and they pop up as they are posted.  If you don't do this, you should.  (You don't have to have your own blog to set up one of these pages.  You can also subscribe by email.)  I'm not just saying this so that you read here- there are so many out there, and you can tailor them to your taste and interests.

My blog reading list has grown substantially over the last year, and I love it.  Especially the real ones.  The ones that don't just paint a pretty picture all the time.  One of these is Casey Leigh.  I mean her blog is filled with beautiful photos of her gorgeous family, but she is also real and shares about what God is doing in her life, even in painful moments.

I was surprised to realize today that it must have been about a year ago that I started reading her blog.  I came to this realization because every year she chooses a word that she is going to claim as her own for the year, and I remember when she wrote about deciding to claim brave as her word for 2014.  I love this idea, and come to think of it, I might have shared that with you last year. 

Well, to come to my point and make a long rambly letter into, well, still a long rambly letter, I've decided that I will claim a word for the upcoming year. 

Peace.  Peace is what I need this year.  A peaceful attitude is what I need to adopt.  A peaceful heart is what I'm going to pray God will teach me to have, and this is why:

Jered and I are at an uncertain place right now as far as where and what we are going to do for the next few years.  I like plans.  I like routine.  I like comfort.  So I'm praying that God will allow me to be at peace with whatever may come.

We are expecting a HUGE life change in May.  A blessing, but a difficult one.  I'm praying that even in those moments when I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, when Baby is completely inconsolable, or when the exhaustion seems too much to bear, I will feel the unmistakable peace of God.

Jered and I have talked about how our... disagreements will need to change once we have children.  I have a habit of leaving the room and occasionally slamming a door (because I'm mature like that), and we can let our voices raise out of anger sometimes.  We know that this is not how we want things to go down when baby ears are around.  We want to model better problem solving for them.  I'm praying that God will teach me to have an attitude of peace and that I will strive to keep a peaceful household.  Remember how Proverbs talks about those terrible wives whom it is worse living with than living in the desert?  Yeah, I'd like to not make Jered wish he was living in a desert.  That would be good.

I like this word-claiming much more than resolution-making.  I especially like that this year's word will mean leaning on my God and learning about Him.

Well folks, I don't know if I will have the chance to write to you again before Christmas.  If I don't, have a very, merry Christmas.  Love every minute of it.

Aim

Getting Honest

Hi.

I'm going to take this opportunity to be super transparent, and tell you something that I'm struggling with and feel guilty about.  I can do that, right?  Because we're friends and you won't judge me too harshly?  I hope so.

In case you haven't noticed, or we don't have many of the same Facebook friends, lots of ladies close to my age are expecting right now.  I see cute pictures of their bumps and how excited they are about their growing bellies.

(last week)

But I don't feel that way.

Not about the baby!  Just the belly.  It doesn't feel like a baby bump.  It feels like fat, and I feel enormous, and we're not even that far along.

I wonder if it's just because it's still early.  Maybe it will change once my belly "pops" and I start feeling kicks.

Maybe it's just because I've never seriously struggled with weight.  Sure a few pounds that first year at TIU from too many Wendy's runs and trips to the ice cream machine, but nothing that going home for the summer and eating right couldn't fix.

Maybe it's just because I have a skewed view of my body.  Over the last couple years I've tried to become more aware of what I put in my body and how I take care of it.  Right before I found out I was pregnant I felt like I was finally getting into a groove and seeing the results I desired.

I'm putting this out there because I feel like a world-class snot, for lack of unwillingness to share a more appropriate word, worrying about feeling fat instead of finding joy in my expanding waistline because of a living person growing inside of me.

And I feel incredibly guilty because I know countless women would do anything to be in the position I've found myself in without trying.  So many that would give every thing they own to feel their bellies grow this way.

All of this is not to say that I am not excited about our baby.  I am.  And so curious as to what he/she will be like.  Am I going to be overwhelmed with a little Jered?  Will I get another chance to play with Barbies like the ones I drooled over in Target the other night?  Will he/she be a baldy or have lots of hair like I did?  Personality? Athleticism?  (Please have Jered's!)  Talents?  Rude or Flinkman fingers and toes?

Last week Jered made a comment about "mommy" having to help with math homework because "daddy" doesn't do math, and I got ridiculously giddy at the thought.

But I passed swimsuits at Target last night (why?) and thought, "if my energy to work out during this pregnancy is anything like my energy after I have a baby, I will not be getting back into any of those any time soon."

I'm sure some of you are rolling your eyes at me.  I've read plenty of blogs and articles where women say it isn't all that hard to get back in shape.  Or they got smaller than they were before they had a baby.  And right now it's easy to think that I will work my butt off after this baby is here, but then I also thought I was going to work out for at least the first trimester...

I hesitate to complain because Jered hates, which has lead to me hating, when someone complains about something like weight and doesn't do anything about it.  And that's kind of what I've been doing, but the energy just isn't there.  Or there just isn't enough.  I've been trying to get back into the groove of making dinner and doing more around the apartment, and by the time I'm done with that, I'm zapped.

And now I've sat here for ten extra minutes, debating whether or not I should even share this.  I'm nervous because it was quickly written, and I don't want to post anything without thinking it through all the way.  But then, this is something that's been on my heart for weeks now, and maybe someone else is feeling/or is going to feel the same way I do.

So there's that. 

I don't want to leave you with so much heavy though. 

So how about this? - Christmas Eve is a week from today.  Isn't that delightful?  Sometimes I think Christmas Eve is even more wonderful than Christmas day.  The anticipation, candlelight services, the quiet and holy pondering of the Christmas story, the warm snuggling in for the night with a Christmas movie, books, and snacks with the family.  I think it's the best night of the whole year.

I'll talk to you later.

Aim

My Christmas Music Soapbox

Hello.

Well suddenly I have so much more energy to write.  Maybe it's because I'm not trying to hold in a secret and I feel like I can actually write now without spoiling it.

I've been scouring the radio stations in my car for a station that plays all Christmas music during December, but the only one I can find plays 99% commercial Christmas music.  You know what I mean?  I love them, but I can only listen to Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer so many times, even if they are in three different renditions.  I just don't understand the need for three different renditions of the same five songs when there's a whole pack of Christmas songs they're leaving untouched.

Then they play these clips of people saying what Christmas is all about.  "Family, bringing people together, caring for those less fortunate, looking back on memories..."  I'm getting tired of my inner monologue of disagreement every time I their answers.

Yes, those are all wonderful things that we pay extra attention to at Christmastime.  It is good that we take the time to appreciate our families, that we take stock of our lives and all we have.  It is good to think outside of ourselves and care for those who don't have as much.  It is good to remember the lovely times and traditions we've had.

But come on!  Even Charlie Brown and Linus knew what Christmas was really about.  (If all goes well, clicking on that photo will take you to a video clip.)



And I've been totally guilty of getting more excited, or at least caught up thinking about family, buying the perfect gifts, putting up the tree, and all the great activities and feelings we experience during the Christmas season.  It is after all, the most wonderful time of year.

I wonder if God used my love of Christmas music to help me see what was missing.  So this year, my desire is to take the time to, not remember because I haven't forgotten, but to meditate on what the holiday truly celebrates.

I read a great post over HERE that has stayed with me.  Maybe because for the first time I'm truly starting to understand some of what must have gone through Mary's head.  My prayer is that this year as I feel our baby grow inside me and next year as I hold that baby in my arms, that God will reveal more and more about Mary, Christmas, and Himself to me.

(Side note: pregnancy hormones are ridiculous, I'm about to cry right now.)

At work, I had to specifically create a Pandora station called Christmas Hymns to find any of the Christmas Carols we grew up singing.  Angels We Have Heard On High and What Child is This for me, thank you!  (It's a great station by the way- if you still use Pandora, I would highly recommend it.)

I also read a post HERE that I found quite convicting.  I'm hoping that as Jered and I, in the next few years, have the ability to mold a young mind about the true meaning of Christmas, we can make this a reality in our lives.

It all comes back to that baby in the manger.  A baby so precious that shepherds and wise men sought him out to worship him.  A baby whose sole purpose was to become a sacrifice for you and me. 

Wishing you a merry few weeks before Christmas.

Aim

The Reactions

Hi.

I don't have a cleverer title because the only one I could think of was a movie quote that no one would get.  Oh well.

So real quick, I want to share with you a some of the reactions we encountered when telling our family we were expecting. 

First off, we realized we are terrible secret keepers!  We wanted to wait until Thanksgiving to tell everyone, but that didn't happen.  We told Jake and Molly right away because we're always around them and they probably would have figured it out.  Plus, I wanted to glean all the advice I could from Molly.

Herb and Beth visited Des Moines just a couple weeks after we found out.  We had no intentions of telling them yet; however, the night they got there, Beth, out of the blue says, "Whenever you guys get pregnant, I want to be one of the FIRST ones to know!  I do NOT want to be one of the last."

So the next day, Jered just tossed it into the conversation somehow, which resulted in Beth standing in front of us shouting, "Are you serious?!  Are you serious?!" Over and over and over. 

After our ultrasound, I was obviously more excited and (knowing that Jered had already spilled the beans to Jeremy) decided to send a snapchat to Kelly.  Kelly is the queen of Snapchat, so it seemed appropriate.

 

She broke their rule of no phones during movies to check this out, and her reaction was hilarious and sweet.

This series of photos will more effectively show how it went on Thanksgiving. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So many thanks to Molly for capturing this moment! 

 

My favorite things about these photos:

 

Jessica's reaction- you can see the disbelief turn into surprise.

Beth and Kelly's smiling faces because they know what's about to happen.

Joel's skeptical face, and the fact that the food on his fork never moves.

Justin's "atta-boy" face in the last one.

 

Seriously- I could just put this into a flipbook and watch Jessica's expression over and over.

 

Unfortunately, we did not have a wonderful photographer when we told my family.  Instead we had me... trying to be inconspicuous while recording a video on my phone.  Please ignore my loud, obnoxious, mumbly voice.

 

Oh! - You'll need to hear some back story on this first.  I had been holding off on telling you until it was official, and now that we're expecting, it is officially not happening:  Jered and I had been planning on moving to Hawaii from January to April, for a short travel nursing experience for Jered.  It was getting pretty serious when we found out that it would definitely not work out, but we kept that to ourselves and told my parents we would know for sure when we visited the first weekend in November.

 

So, what you will hear me say is that Jered printed out pictures of our future Hawaii apartment.  I had just pulled Mom out of bed for some family time because she went to bed before Katie and I got back from hanging out with the girls.  You will also hear Wii Golf going on because... what else do Dad and Jered do when they get together?

 

VIDEO

 

What you also don't see is Katie running over and instantly talking to my stomach, Mom's moment of panic because she thought we were still going to Hawaii, and Dad excitedly asking me the rest of the weekend who all he was allowed to tell.

 

Ok, that might not have been real quick, but they were some lovely moments for us, and hopefully you'll get a kick out of them as well.

 

Talk to you later.

 

Aim

The Art of Being Pregnant

Hey.

Ha, just kidding.  I have found no such art to being pregnant.  I kind of feel like I'm stumbling through, just trying to figure it out.

Being pregnant, maybe because it's our first, is incredibly surreal.  Everyone probably says that, but it's true.  I don't know that it's actually kicked in yet, but at the same time the fact that there is a baby inside me is at the forefront of my mind at all times.



I want to tell you about my experience, hopefully without reiterating what every other pregnant woman's blog says.  (I have been poring over them for months to glean all the knowledge I can.)

Without lingering and whining, I have to tell you about the aspects I don't care for at all:

First off, NOBODY prepared me for how exhausted I would be, especially during the first trimester.  It always made sense to me that as I progressed into the third trimester I would become more tired as my body went through bigger changes, but I was not prepared for coming home from work, changing into sweats as quickly as possible, destroying some dinner, and passing out on the couch for the rest of the evening... every night.  Maybe I should have considered myself warned because I've begun to notice that most of the pregnant bloggers I follow disappear for a couple months before they announce they're expecting.  Huh.

Other things about pregnancy are gross, and I refuse to go into detail because I want my husband to look at me in relatively the same way after I have this baby.  If you haven't been pregnant and are clueless like I was, there are plenty of other blogs that will tell you.  Search Pinterest.

Also, I've found myself craving lunchmeat sandwiches and all sorts of food I'm not allowed to have anymore.

Thankfully for me, when I stop to think about it the good parts far outnumber the rest.

Like the moment Jered looked and me, laughed and said, "We're having a baby!  We didn't even get to practice with a pet yet!"

Or how when I wasn't feeling the greatest (which only lasted a couple weeks) he put a glass of ice water on my nightstand before I woke up so I could guzzle it and be able to get up without feeling nauseated. 

How saint-like Jered has been when it comes to food and helping around the apartment.

Waiting anxiously for my pregnancy app to tell us our baby's progress for the next week.  In case you're wondering- baby Flink had a growth spurt this week and went from 3 inches to 4.5 inches long, which made me feel very relieved about the state of my waistbands.

Seeing baby's feet kick back and forth at our first ultrasound.



And a bunch of other things that I need to journal for myself.

Basically Jered has been amazing.  We've had our moments, mostly due to crazy pregnancy hormones, but he really has been so good to me, and I am so thankful for him.  I can't wait to see him hold our baby for the first time.  He is going to be such a great dad. 

K, no more mushy stuff.  That's all for now.

Talk to you later.

Aim

Postpone Your Christmas Mind for One More Thanksgiving Post

Well hello!

It's been a minute... or ten since I've written to you.  Let's remedy that, yeah?

Hang in there- it's going to be a doozy of a letter, with lots of grainy photos by me (because when you hang out with the Flinkman family, it's generally at night and the flash is obnoxious) and some others stolen from family, unceremoniously dropped at the end.

Now that I've had a few days to catch up on sleep, I'd love to give you a play by play of Thanksgiving.  Ok, maybe not a complete play by play, but all the good stuff.  Which, coincidentally, was most of it.

This Thanksgiving was the first in twenty-seven years that I have not seen my own family at all.  And while I missed seeing their darling faces, it was for the best reason.

The entire Flinkman family has not been together since our wedding.  That was over two years ago.  We have not seen Justin, Carter, or Tyler in over a year and a half.  We haven't seen Joel since last Christmas.  Carter and Tyler hadn't even met Lily yet (and my goodness- how those boys have grown!).  Everyone was meeting Norah for the first time.

But really, my statement about the entire Flinkman family not being together since our wedding is false (even ignoring the fact that two of them weren't born yet).  In reality, the Flinkman family has never been together in one place before because we had an extra special family member join us this year.  The Flinkman siblings' half-sister, Heather and the family got back in contact again about two months ago for the first time since Jered was a baby, (I think that's accurate) and she flew from Philadelphia to join us.

You guys.  It was amazing!  She is amazing.  She fits right in and loved us all like she's known us forever.  On Thanksgiving she said she was thankful that everyone accepted her as family right away, but in reality I think we should be thanking her for accepting the whole rowdy bunch.  That's a lot to take in! 

It was so sweet- she drank coffee like a fiend the entire time because she did not want to miss a thing.  She also brought the neatest gift for everyone: a flash drive filled up with old family photos for each family.  They ranged from when she was little to back before Herb was born.  It is awesome.

Heather- I am so, so, so glad you are part of our lives.  You are truly special to us.  (And not just because you help even out the girls to guys ratio. ;)  )  Love you!

Ok, so back to Thanksgiving.  Bob and Cheryl graciously offered to host the Thanksgiving meal for everyone.  I feel frustrated because I love words, but I honestly don't think I can capture the feeling of overwhelming love and family that we experienced with any words. 

When we took time to go around the room saying what we were thankful for, the rules were to try to stay away from the cliché- "friends and family," but it was impossible.  I think, for me anyway, the love in the room felt tangible.  To my family- I love you, and nothing will ever replace my time with you, but I have to admit that Jessica and I looked at each other and decided that this was the best Thanksgiving so far. 

Now that I think about it, that's really all you need to know about the weekend to know how it went.  The rest is just fluff.  So now, enjoy some photos.

  

 

 

 

 

Stolen from Joel:

 

  

 

 

 

Stolen from Kelly:
 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So. Like I said, it was an amazing Thanksgiving, and I would be remiss if I didn't share what we are thankful for this year:

 

In the words of my husband, "[We are] thankful for our unborn, baby child."

 

...

.....

.......

 

 

 

 

Yep.  So this is happening.  That bump is only half-too many snacks.  The other half is a lemon-sized baby.

 

Jered's not big into public baby announcements, but he's ok with friends and family, and if you're reading this than obviously we're friends and/or family, so I had to tell you!

 

I was going to fill you in on all the fun we had telling our family the news, but I think I will save that for another letter since this one is already chock-full of goodness, and I don't want to explode with happy thoughts.  Or do I?

 

Alas- I will hold off until later.  I'm excited to share with you the little moments I want to remember forever about pregnancy and all the reactions we've seen from people.

 

Now- join me in jumping the rest of the way into Christmastime!

 

Aimee