Telling Jered

Hey there.

It occurred to me that I didn't really tell you about that one time we found out we were going to have a baby.  Let me forewarn you: it's not a cutesy romantic story like most.

I went home for a visit and a bridal shower during the last weekend of September.

See that face?  That is a girl who has no idea she has a baby inside her at that moment.

I drove home that evening and could hardly keep my eyes open despite the cup of coffee I had before I left and the Mountain Dew that kept me company on my trip.  

I'm going to attempt to navigate the rest of this story without giving you too much information...  That evening when I got home, I realized that I wasn't as certain about my not-being-pregnant as I thought I was that afternoon.  Next day: still no sign of not being pregnant.  

When I got home from work I chugged a glass of water and used a pregnancy test that we had around just in case.  Nothing really showed up, except a very, very, very faint line that wasn't really decipherable.  Basically just a line that would be noticed by someone who was paranoid and terrified.  Then I read the directions that say to use the test in the morning and to try not to drink a bunch of water before you use one because that can dilute things and make it unclear.  Oh.  

I went to Jake and Molly's that night to babysit and was not my usual charming self.  (Ha)  Either I'm not usually that charming, or I put on a good face because they didn't seem to notice.  I happened to write THIS while I was there.  After they came home, I took my leave and stopped by Walmart to pick up another test for the next morning.

Jered came home from work that night, and I told him I might be pregnant.  He laughed and didn't believe me.  

Well, the next morning I got up early, and as soon as he left for work, I tried again.  Almost instantly a pink plus sign appeared, and I thought to my self, Oh gosh.  There's that.

I looked in the mirror and held my flat tummy that immediately felt bigger somehow.  And I looked at myself... and cried.  I am not ready for this.

I pulled myself together enough to go to work, but I was in a mood all day.  To fully understand why, I'd have to tell you our dirty, little secret:  I was uninsured for all of 2014.  (I know, I'm about to face huge issues during tax season.)  All I could do was stress.  I couldn't tell anyone.  I didn't want to tell Jered in a text.  I just bottled up my anxieties and thoughts all day and was miserable.  

I drove home, expecting Jered to still be at work and thinking that I should come up with a nice way to tell him.  When I walked in the door he was there, and all I could do was collapse into his arms for a hug.  

"How was your day?"

"Not real good."

"Why?  What happened?!"  (He thought I wrecked the car or got fired.)

"I'm pregnant."  (So much for finding a nice way to give him the news.)

"Get out!  Shut up!"

Jered laughs, I cry.

He hugs me and throws his head back in laughter and looks at me, smiling in disbelief.  I cry out of sheer terror.  And he holds me and tells me everything will be just fine.  And I begin to believe him.

(During that first week of knowing.)

And he was right.  We found a free, Christian-run clinic that offered ultrasounds, so we were able to get that done at ten weeks.  The insurance started just in time for us to go in for the twenty week ultrasound, and we don't have to worry about the pregnancy being considered a pre-existing condition.  Everything will be covered, and baby is growing and healthy.

My husband is a perfect example of what it means to have the faith of a child.  I wish I had that.  At least I have him.

I feel a little quite bad that the one person who I should have given the most joyful announcement to, got the weepy, scared, not excited announcement.  In a way though, it's been nice to have my enthusiasm grow because of his reaction.  I love knowing that he can't wait to meet Baby.  I love knowing that he is excited.  I know he is going to be an amazing dad, and that knowledge has helped me become more and more excited myself because I know I'm going into this with him.

Parenthood is going to look great on him.

Talk to you later,

Aim