Letting Go

Hi.

I laughed when I read the next prompt because of what instantly surfaced in my mind.


"React to the term: Letting go."

Obviously.  Am-I-right?

I'm pretty certain that Disney has cemented that into the minds of us all, and I don't mind it one bit.

But seriously, my reaction to the expression is realizing it's a behavior that I need more of in my life.  (The mister is probably saying "I told you so" and "amen" right now.  He is the lord of letting go.)

However my unwelcome penchant for anxiety, insecurity, and wanting to know exactly how every detail will work out is sort of the eternal enemy of letting go.  I am the one who stews over a conversation for hours after, thinking of all the things I should have said.  I am the one who worries about how purchasing a Vespa is going to affect the rest of our finances.  I am the one who can sometimes experience a self-image shutdown because of chin zit.

Or I would be if I didn't have a God to whom I can trust the enormous and minute details of life.  Or a husband who reminds me of that fact.  (Or who tells me I'm beautiful even when I have a chin zit... although admittedly, sometimes it's after he's pointed out the fact that I have one.  Thanks for that, love.)

Our future is where I currently need to perfect the art of letting go.  I actually read a blog post HERE last week that resonated with me and lines up perfectly with today's topic.  As I read I thought, Yes! This is what I've been feeling, but I didn't even realize it!  

I don't know where I thought we'd be a this point in our lives.  I only knew what our dreams for later looked like, resulting in an intense desire to be settled and there already.  Not because I'm not enjoying the season of life we are experiencing now, but because of the uncertainty.  I like knowing what's going to happen.

Recently I've felt bombarded with messages about trusting God with the future, but it wasn't until I read that post that the idea was able to finally bloom into understanding.  How freeing it would be to just hand it all over and trust Him to lead!

Didn't He open doors when Jered was accepted to Loyola's accelerated program even though he was missing a prerequisite?  Hasn't He continually provided jobs for Jered and me since graduation?  Didn't He take care of the details during our move last year?  Hasn't He brought us into this fantastic stage of our lives?

Absolutely.

So why do I worry if Jered and I aren't one hundred percent certain what's going to happen next for us?  No more.  Just kidding.  Old habits die hard and all that.  However, I am going to work at praying over those questions more often and trusting that God will continue to open and close the doors for us, rather than trying to force them open ourselves myself or ignoring them.

Maybe I'll claim THIS SONG as my theme song for now.

We'll get there.  Better yet, He'll take us there.  All I have to do is let go.

Talk to you later.

Aim

Five Songs

Hi.

Apparently I'm much chattier than I sometimes give myself credit for being because I found it agonizingly difficult to not give a wordy explanation during my "photo only" letter.  ( I guess I should have realized this since Jered teases me about my story-telling fairly often.)

I will simply tell you that even though Jered caught a nice sized catfish on Saturday, we were the only ones who got fried.  Major pain in the Flinkman household.  We even braved, to borrow a term from The Princess Bride: the pit of despair, more commonly known as the West Des Moines Walmart, to pick up some aloe.  The lines were so long, and our burns were so bad, that we started applying that sanity-saving aloe before we even made it to the register.

Ok, on to the next prompt, yes?  Just a couple left!

The prompt for today is five songs or pieces of music that speak to me or bring back memories.  I know I've shared such songs with you before, so I'll try to make some new selections today.  (Clicking on the name of the song will take you to the youtube page so you can hear what I'm babbling on about.)
Home, by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, was the only song Jered chose for our wedding.  Please note that this wasn't because I was a controlling bridezilla, but because our exit song was the only one he cared about choosing.  Even without the emotional ties to my wedding day, let alone the moment immediately following being announced as husband and wife for the first time, I love this song.  It's cheerful, catchy, and the sentiment is adorable.  Who doesn't want to be the apple of somebody's eye?
You're Not Alone was my introduction to Meredith Andrews.  I've shared a few of her songs with you, but I don't know if I shared the one that originally hooked me on her music.  I actually sang this song at church, so I've ironically linked a bit of anxiety to the song that reminded me of God's enveloping comfort.  He's mercifully allowed me to focus more on the lyrics than the terror of public performance, and this song stirs my heart, nearly bringing me to tears every time I hear it.
Antonin Dvorak's New World Symphony is amazing, you guys.  I know, normally I share songs with you because of the meaningful lyrics, but sometimes you need the feelings without all the words cluttering up your ears.  The 4th Movement is probably my favorite of all the pieces I've played in bands over the years.  (So if you don't have time to listen to the whole forty minutes, just listen to this eleven minute movement... but really, listen to it in its entirety sometime.  If you haven't heard it yet, you'll thank me.)  Anyway, if you were a musician and anything like me, you probably know that some pieces are just the right mix of challenge and fun.  Not so easy that you get bored, but not so complicated that you just can't get it even after hours and hours of practicing.  It's fun to play and listen to because of the combination of powerful and sweet, beautiful sections.  (I'm listening to it at this very moment and thinking I really need to purchase it.  I'm also thinking I could write letter upon letter just on classical music that I love.)  I can honestly say that although my initial feelings about joining the TIU Band wouldn't have led me to believe this as possible, listening to this brings back some truly lovely memories.
Time for a musical number?  I think so.  I would choose every single song in Meet Me in St. Louis, but I'm supposed to limit this letter to five, right?  Since we just got Summer rolling, I won't choose Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas... however, I will say that Judy Garland's rendition is awesome, and if you choose to look it up yourself, then that's just a bonus.  The Boy Next Door is my choice for today.  I mean, what girl hasn't experienced that lovesick feeling?  I also just love, love, love Judy Garland's crooning; it makes me wish I was a movie star or singer from her time.  Everything about this movie reminds me of when I was little because I loved it so much.
Ok, now I feel like Aladdin trying to make his three wishes.  So much pressure to choose the ones that are just right.  For the fifth song today, I'd have to go with... hmm.  Choosing the final song is much more difficult than the others.  I'm going with For Good from Wicked.  Not only does this song bring back memories of many car rides spent belting out the entire soundtrack with Katie and watching the show on the verge of tears because it's just that amazing, but it holds such a bittersweet message.  The idea of parting with someone you love so much, but never truly being without them because of the changes they've made in your heart, hits home for me.  I can hardly get to the end of this song with dry eyes. 
Well, there you have it.  Five of the songs that have been etched on my heart for one reason or another.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.
Aim

Prompt #28: Only Photos

     


  






  


  
  



  

A Letter (Obviously) on Friendship

Dear reader,

Today's prompt is to write a letter to my readers.  Ha!  Joke's on them, isn't' it?  All of my posts are letters.


My cousin, Katherine, got married last weekend.  Here we are (oh my!) about twenty years ago:

The whole day was lovely.  She is one of the most genuinely kind people I've ever met, and from what I could tell after meeting her husband for the first time and hearing what others had to say about him, he is the same way.  Seeing them together was truly awesome and inspiring.  They were glowing, and it is obvious that they are extremely good friends.    That's something I've been thinking about alot lately, and Katherine and John Ross only made those thoughts even more apparent to me: the idea of a husband and wife being friends.
It seems only too easy to get bogged down with responsibilities and the other drags of adulthood.  (How I envy Peter Pan some days.)  I tend to see how those obstacles affect our marriage in terms of romance and emotional or spiritual intimacy with each other.  I don't think that until recently I realized how much our friendship is tested too.
I think that Jered and I, or maybe just I forgot about having fun together.  I focused on those other areas of intimacy, but not an honest to goodness friendship for too long.  I knew I wanted to feel like Jered's best friend, but I thought of it mainly, if not solely in terms of communication.  I wanted to hear what was on his mind and heart.  I forgot about fun.  And laughter.
So that is my newest goal these days.  To have fun with Jered.  And maybe more importantly, for him to have fun with me, even if that means we are going to ride that scooter until my eyes are completely dried out and bloodshot from the wind, or spend the whole of Saturday morning at the lake, fishing...  (At least I can work on my tan.)  I'm going to attempt to be a better sport.
And all that's not to say that I've lost sight of my dream of maintaining a lovely romantic and deeply-rooted relationship as well.  I still desire to know the depths of my husband's heart and soul.  I know the fairy tale marriage is not considered realistic, but it seems to me a good deal of that is determined by choice and the effort we are willing to put forth.  No, we will not live happily ever after, but I don't think that means we can't have a blissful marriage.  I think focusing on friendship will make that easier to do.
You are probably reading this, thinking, "And how long have you two been together?  You're just now deciding this?"  I'm just as shocked as you are at my density.
Anyway, here's to remembering the friendship and the fun that made me fall in love with this sweet man in the first place.  And to much more laughter in the coming days.
(Photo credit to the extremely talented McKenna Thatcher)
Have a wonderfully fun weekend.
Aim

Easy or Difficult?

Hi.

Well, I'm still forcing myself to write, but I'm in a better mood at least.  Today's prompt, (have you noticed how I managed to spread a one month challenge into at least three months?) is to share something that I read online with you.

You may or may not have figured this out yet: I read ALOT of stuff online.  I am constantly reading articles with tips for marriage and giving birth and motherhood, and obviously a load of blog posts.  Unfortunately that makes deciding what to share with you a little trickier.  So many options!  How do I choose the perfect one to discuss with you?

To make this easier, I will just tell you about the article I stumbled upon yesterday:

The Powerful Habit of Choosing Kindness

I enjoyed/cringed during this article.  It seems like such a simple action.  Right?  Wrong.  Can I get an "Amen?"  Or am I the only one that finds choosing kindness to be oddly and intensely difficult at times?  Sometimes, I'd much rather squeeze in a real zinger or make him me suffer by choosing the silent treatment.  (Let's be honest- he is probably ok with that option.  At least he gets some peace and quiet, or clean dishes.)

The article is also great because it covers both sides, and I think that's helpful for all of us to see both sides.  Not only does it open my eyes up to what I need to work on, but also helps me understand where I'm coming from myself.  (I am so complex that I confuse myself sometimes.  Ha.)

It would appear that I don't have a whole lot to say about this article.  It's straight forward and I don't find it particularly groundbreaking, just good.  Good things to remember.  Those little moments add up to so much in the long run.  That is the hard part- remembering that every little thing is meaningful.  That every unkind, biting word I spit at my husband is going to add up. 

Do you struggle like I do?  Do you overcome it?  If so, how?  Share your wisdom!

Well, I'm out of here.  Talk to you later.

Aim

Unforgettable Words

Hey.

I am one hundred percent forcing myself to write today.  It's not coming naturally at all.  We'll see how that goes.  I can't remember if I told you last time, but I'm skipping one of the prompts: my three worst traits.  Those are far too obvious to me and I don't need to dwell on them.  The next prompt is something (good or bad) that someone has told me about myself that I've never forgotten.


I remember hearing that kids need to hear ten positive things to make up for one negative comment about them.  Unfortunately, this is one of those cases where the negative comment latched itself onto my brain and has never left me.  
It will sound silly and ridiculous, and you'll probably think, like my husband, that I need to grow up and be more confident.  Oh well.
Someone had told me that my big eyes reminded them of a bunny.  I mentioned to another person that I had been told I reminded someone of a bunny, and their reply was, "Why? Because you have big front teeth like a rabbit?"


Ouch.
Ever since that moment I have loathed my incisors, and everyone with a dainty row of pearly whites has been a subject of envy.  
It's dumb.  I know.  And I'm sure if I thought a little harder, I would come up with something more character shaping or earth shattering.  However, that was truly the second thing that came to mind after another comment that I already shared with you a month or so ago.  
So there you have it.  Short and not so sweet today.  I promise to be more butterflies and bunnies rainbows next time.
Later,
Aim

Slipping

Hi.

It's been a while.  I could tell you that it's because I was sick and zombie-like because of my medicine, and that we've been busy, and probably a bunch of other excuses, which are technically true.  However, if I'm being completely honest, I just haven't been feeling all that inspired to write.

I realize that's the whole point of the writing challenge- it provides the topics so that I don't need to come up with them myself.  But I'm feeling burnt out on it.  I will finish it at some point, just so that I can say that I did, in fact, finish it.  (One of my faults: too many projects left half done.)

The weird part is that I've had this intense desire to be creative and work on my writing and art lately, but it's almost as if the more I want to explore that part of me, the more blocked I feel.  I want to start working with colored pencils more, I bought some new watercolors, I brought home all my art books, I have a stack of sewing projects, and a whole host of other projects that I want to work on.  But the drive to follow through and the creativity needed isn't showing up to match my desire.  Isn't that the worst?  When the more you want something, the more it slips away?  Ugh.

I even bought a new book, I guess you could call it a devotional, that's about the relationship between creativity and faith.  I had heard positive things about how inspiring it was, but so far, I'm not finding it to be that way.  Maybe I'm a little dense, but it seems too philosophical for my taste.  I'm hoping that the more I read, the more I'll like it.

I also have this overwhelming feeling that I'm wasting time.  It's already June!  Summer is here.  It doesn't feel like summer thanks to the necessity of having a big girl job that isn't teaching.  I should have been a teacher.  What was I thinking?  Oh yeah, that I'd most likely be an awful one.  (I'm increasingly jealous of those high school graduates who are able to announce what they're majoring in.  I never had that kind of vision.)

I digress.

Who can tell me the secret to putting all these plans into action?  I've made my mind up and nothing happens.  I've made lists that pile up, get lost, and don't get marked up.  I've tried being organized, but it doesn't help anything actually get accomplished.  I feel frustrated, stale, bored, and uninspired.  The desire to do is there, but that's where it ends right now.

Sorry to be a downer today, but I needed to get that out.  Maybe if I put words to that thought, if I address the issue, something will change.

Next time, I'll try to be more pleasant.

Aim