Slipping

Hi.

It's been a while.  I could tell you that it's because I was sick and zombie-like because of my medicine, and that we've been busy, and probably a bunch of other excuses, which are technically true.  However, if I'm being completely honest, I just haven't been feeling all that inspired to write.

I realize that's the whole point of the writing challenge- it provides the topics so that I don't need to come up with them myself.  But I'm feeling burnt out on it.  I will finish it at some point, just so that I can say that I did, in fact, finish it.  (One of my faults: too many projects left half done.)

The weird part is that I've had this intense desire to be creative and work on my writing and art lately, but it's almost as if the more I want to explore that part of me, the more blocked I feel.  I want to start working with colored pencils more, I bought some new watercolors, I brought home all my art books, I have a stack of sewing projects, and a whole host of other projects that I want to work on.  But the drive to follow through and the creativity needed isn't showing up to match my desire.  Isn't that the worst?  When the more you want something, the more it slips away?  Ugh.

I even bought a new book, I guess you could call it a devotional, that's about the relationship between creativity and faith.  I had heard positive things about how inspiring it was, but so far, I'm not finding it to be that way.  Maybe I'm a little dense, but it seems too philosophical for my taste.  I'm hoping that the more I read, the more I'll like it.

I also have this overwhelming feeling that I'm wasting time.  It's already June!  Summer is here.  It doesn't feel like summer thanks to the necessity of having a big girl job that isn't teaching.  I should have been a teacher.  What was I thinking?  Oh yeah, that I'd most likely be an awful one.  (I'm increasingly jealous of those high school graduates who are able to announce what they're majoring in.  I never had that kind of vision.)

I digress.

Who can tell me the secret to putting all these plans into action?  I've made my mind up and nothing happens.  I've made lists that pile up, get lost, and don't get marked up.  I've tried being organized, but it doesn't help anything actually get accomplished.  I feel frustrated, stale, bored, and uninspired.  The desire to do is there, but that's where it ends right now.

Sorry to be a downer today, but I needed to get that out.  Maybe if I put words to that thought, if I address the issue, something will change.

Next time, I'll try to be more pleasant.

Aim