An Apology and Some Thoughts on a Book

Hey there.

Eh.  I'm not particularly excited about today's prompt.  For today, the thirteenth day of the challenge, I am to issue a public apology.  It can be as serious, funny, or creative as I like.


While I'm certain we all have something we could seriously apologize for, I can't think of anything at the moment.  That probably sounds horrible, but oh well.  Maybe I just can't think of anything I would apologize for without rationalizing.

Therefore, I'm going to resort to that newish phrase many of us hate:  I'm sorry I'm not sorry.

So here it goes: I'm sorry that I'm not sorry for posting a ridiculous amount of pictures featuring my beautiful niece all over Facebook.  In case you missed those, enjoy a few of them now:

  

 

  

 

So, I'm a little over halfway through Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge.  I received it as a gift from my mom in 2007.  This is the first time I've gotten around to reading it.  

Oh, how I wish I'd gotten to it sooner.  Before Jered and I got married.  Before we were engaged.  Before we started dating.  Before I met him.  And then over again as soon as I finished it.  And then again and again and again and again.  

Let me say this:  this is a book all women need to read.  Right away.  All teenage girls should read it.  Before they even consider dating.  Ok, that might be a stretch, since it is actually written to women, but it's just that good.  And I think it's something we need to be reminded of until it is deep-seated in our souls.

Have I made my point yet?  Let me elaborate on the book's contents.  The subtitle of the book is Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul.  Convinced?  Who doesn't want to figure out that mystery, right?  I think as women, we mystify ourselves, so how can we expect men to understand us?  (I simply cannot believe that I am the only one feeling that way- which is why I am in love with this book- I do not feel alone in the struggle.)

While the first half of my book is heavily graffitied with lines and circled sections and stars and exclamation points, I'm going to try to just share a few of my favorite parts with you.

I love what the book has to say about God' character.  (I know- I just told you the book was about the secrets of a woman's soul.  Just hang on.)

First, you'll discover that God is relational to his core, that he has a heart for romance.  Second, that he longs to share adventures with us- adventures you cannot accomplish without him.  And finally, that God has a beauty to unveil.  A beauty that is captivating and powerfully redemptive. 

The best part about that, besides the fact that we have a God who desperately longs for a relationship with us, is that they describe the soul of a woman in the same way.  Those are the three ways that God reveals his image in women.  

God and women are both intensely relationship driven.  The world often sees this as a weakness in women.  That they are needy.

Let me share a personal example of this.  A few weeks ago, I made a fairly stupid decision.  In an attempt to understand how Jered sees me, the depths of my character, who I really am, I asked him if he was only allowed two words, how he would describe me.  

He sat and thought for a good solid minute or two, which I hadn't expected.  I thought he would spout off two words without any thought.  (I was later told that he had zoned out for a bit there.)  

His answer:  passionate... and needy.

I dissolved.  My heart broke, right there in his pickup.  And he was frustrated and confused at my reaction.

I have only ever heard Jered call me needy when he was annoyed.  When I seemed too clingy.  And there he was, choosing a negative word to be 50% of my description.  That's a large amount of a person's being to be something negative.  Of alllll the words he could have used.  Needy.  

Now, before I paint my husband in an unfair light, you must know that after we returned home that day, he came back from his shower, found his wife in tears at the kitchen sink, held her as she sobbed, and tried to explain.

It wasn't so much that he was thinking needy, as reliant, or dependent.  Which in my head, still sounded pretty unappealing, but he explained that he was my husband, and I should be able to rely on him.  That he wanted me to be able to. 

(When I talked to my mom about this, we were able to laugh, and she pointed out that it was a classic case of pink and blue headphones.  I wanted to know how Jered saw me, hoping it would be two positive attributes, and Jered was thinking practical and even- one good and bad.  Balanced.)

He was thinking like a man.  I was thinking as a woman.  And I felt like something was wrong. with. me.

What I didn't realize then, was what I would read in this book just a few weeks later about the role of relationships in a woman's soul.

This is not a weakness in women- it is a glory.  A glory that reflects the heart of God.

Wow.

The fact that I long for emotional intimacy, to be delighted in, and to have romance in my life, is a way that God reveals his own personality in mine.  (Of course, thanks to human nature, it often becomes skewed by my sinful self, which is where the ugly traits that we talked about before come into play.)

This is getting lengthy, so I'll try to wrap up this first reflection on the book.  

The other part I loved was when they took a look at the word "helper" used in Genesis when God talks about creating Woman.  Ezer kenegdo is the Hebrew word for it, and a particular scholar who studied it, said it was extremely hard to translate.  "Helper" doesn't quite cut it.  

The phrase ezer is only used about twenty other times in the Old Testament, always referring to God.  Most of the times it is used, it is within the context of God being needed desperately:

Most of the contexts are life and death, and God is your only hope.  Your ezer.  If he is not there beside you... you are dead.  A better translation therefore of ezer would be "lifesaver."  Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart.

Now, I, in all my gangster style, read this and thought to myself, "Hollaaaa!"  

Go ahead, laugh, but isn't that awesome??  Women have an irreplaceable, absolutely essential role to play in this world.  We, as women, are desperately needed.

Ok.  Basically, I would love to share this book with you chapter by chapter, heading by heading.  But maybe you should just read it yourself, and I can just share my reflections on it with you as I continue to read it.  Obviously I could write those reflections forever, so we will have to do a few installments.  (Not to mention I haven't even finished it yet.)

So until next time, take care.

Aim

What I Miss Most

Hi.

This is the twelfth day of the writing challenge in case you're keeping track.  Almost half way through!  (Just forget the fact that we're not sticking to the writing every day part of the challenge.)  Today's prompt: a person, thing, place, or time of my life that I miss.


Boy howdy.  Remember that one of the words I used to describe myself was sentimental.  Try as I might, I cannot limit this post to one "thing."

(I would love to share never-before-seen photos of each, but that's kind of the point.  It's been too long since I've seen these people, or been to these places, so you're getting re-run photos.)

I miss the beach.  Any beach- I'm not choosy.  I just ache with the desire to sit in the sun, to have hot sand in between my toes, to feel that ache in my calves from trudging through it, to feel the refreshing waves crash against my legs, and to relax, listening to the sound of the ocean.

I miss college.  Almost everything about it.  Maybe not deadlines- but learning, being challenged, even working my rear-end off.  The schedule of college life is awesome, is it not??  Boy, I would love to go back to having random time off in the middle of the day.  And living with your friends all around you?  Don't get me wrong- I love living with Jered, but it's definitely different.

Which leads me to what I miss most about college- being close to your friends all the time, and having the ability to hang out whenever you feel like it, without having to plan a road trip.

And while I love our life in Des Moines (it's still a much better fit for our personalities), I do miss our Chicago life very much.  I miss walking in the city, the speedier driving, the view from our apartment, the close proximity of the beach, my jobs and access to the gym, the anonymity of living in such a vast place, and mostly our group of friends.  

Speaking of my Chicago jobs, oh how I miss my nanny family.  Not only do I miss the ornery/hilarious/sweet boys I quickly grew to love, but I miss their mom and the friendship we were able to build.  I honestly could not have dreamed up a better experience.  (Although I did dream last night that the boys were really into suspenders now.  One set was covered in old-school Mickey and Minnie's.  And that was pretty awesome.)

I miss my family.  My immediate family, my extended family, my husband's side of the family.  All of them.  (Another great thing about college life: it allows you more time to visit family than the real world does.)  The older I get the more I realize how blessed I was growing up to be constantly surrounded by extended family, to have grown up in such a strong and loving family.  

Lastly, and mostly, I miss my grandpa.  It's the deepest ache of all mentioned today.  I may have only seen him a couple days out of the year.  Only talked to him a handful of times each year.  But I still knew he was there.  That he was walking the hall, visiting the pond, talking to my grandma in the place I love so much and that was so dear to him.  Oh, I miss him.  I miss his chuckle, his humor, and his scruffy kisses.  

I have a picture somewhere at home, of me, Dad, and Grandpa Bill sitting on the porch swing in Mississippi.  I was just a little girl.  It is one of my favorite photos of him.  My goal is to find it this weekend when I'm home for Easter, so that I can bring it back with me.  Man, I'll love my grandpa.  Always.

Ok, that's enough.  I've got to keep the emotions in check for now.

Til next time.

Aim

Ten or Less

Hey.

I'm back.

I think I've been putting off this writing challenge post on purpose.  I'm supposed to sell myself in ten words or less.  Boo.  Does anyone enjoy doing that?  Anyone at all?  I thought not.

I seriously considered skipping this day of the challenge.  And then I thought, nope- this is one project that I will complete...  Painful it may be.

Now, the prompt didn't specify whether I'm to use ten or fewer individual words, or a sentence composed of ten or fewer words.  Either way, you are about to get a super short letter from yours truly.


Individual words it is!
                                                                               imaginative                                                                                                                                                             sentimental                                         devoted                                                                                                                    sensitive                                                                             appreciative                                                                   practical creative                                    humble                                                                                                                                                                      dreamer     nurturer

Until next time.  I've been brooding over the next subject for a couple weeks.  It's not going to take much effort, except to keep my emotions in check.
Talk to you then.
Aim

Humiliating History

Good morning.

The mister and I got to babysit our precious niece last night.  She is so stinking cute.  I grabbed a video of her watching Jered play his harmonica- Lily: the Harmonica Critic.  She used to start crying every time he played it.  This time she didn't cry, but I don't think she's quite convinced on the merit of the harmonica.

Well, day ten.  Oh boy.  Today I get to spill my most embarrassing moments.


I've got a couple for you.
The first one I remember was when I was in junior high, I think.  My cousins and I were playing at the church while Grandma and Grandpa had worship practice or something.  Drew was giving me a piggyback ride, and we were heading inside.  He backed into the door to push it open since his hands weren't free, and when he walked away from the door, the back pocket of my shorts caught the door handle.    Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip.
Giant, 7-shaped rip all across the back of my shorts.  I mean, the entire width of one cheek and all the way down to the hem, underpants showing in all their glory.  To make matters worse, a few kids from school were hanging out at the church as well.  
We had to duct tape my shorts back together.  I think we may have tried staples, but that didn't work.  You also have to realize that these were brand new shorts, and I probably only had a couple pairs anyway.    The second one was during freshman year of high school.  In P.E.  We were playing wiffle ball in the gym.  Understand that I hated P.E. to the depths of my soul.  The only thing that made it bearable was having two friends in class with me, but on this day, we got split up.    Anyway, we would get in trouble if we threw the bat; we had to set it down.  Obviously, my biggest fear when stepping up to the plate was actually hitting the ball.  So imagine my elation when I hit it well the first time (of course, I played it off like it was no big deal).  I started to run, went to set down the bat, and somehow managed to trip over it.  I did the most spectacular somersault/roll and ended up sprawled out on the floor, hearing my friends in the outfield laughing their heads off.    I wanted to crawl into a hole. and. die.
Looking back, neither of these moments seem so bad, but then I take into account that they occurred during junior high and high school, and I'm mortified all over again.
These days, my most embarrassing moments tend to be when I can't control my emotions in front of people.  Those moments when I can't keep the tears at bay.  I guess that started several years back.  A few years ago I had an interview at my church (I think it was to go on a missions trip) and I started bawling for some reason.  Sobbing.  Sometimes when the hormones are raging, the dumbest things can set me off, and the more I tell myself not to cry, the more my lips quiver, my eyes fill, and my cheeks burn.
I hope you've gotten a chuckle out my misfortune.  I finally can.    Later, Aim

This Magic Moment

Hi.

I skipped a couple more days.  I kept thinking I should make time to write, but I took two naps and did a little sketching yesterday instead.  (Definitely more necessary and beneficial.)  The next writing prompt (I think we're up to Day 9 now) is a moment in your day.  It could be written, or just a photo.  In an effort to get back to the writing, I thought I'd skip a photo today.


Since I'm writing in the middle of the day, and it's been a fairly quiet day at work, I'm going to share a moment from yesterday... maybe two.

Yesterday, after nap number one, I woke up and was roasting, so I opened our balcony door.  It was a rare moment because the T.V. was off.  The apartment was completely silent.  The open door let in a refreshing breeze, the songs of birds (I swear one of them was singing the theme from Star Wars), and the noise of kids outside.

At first I was tempted to be annoyed by the yelling, understanding why we were always sent outside to play when we were yelling- because no one wants to listen to that.  But then, while I was just sitting on the couch, listening, I heard the chorus of "Not it!  Not it!  Not it," and I was transported back to early mornings at the bus stop in front of Parlin Ingersoll Library.

Since the windows are bound to be open more often now that the weather is becoming so beautiful, I'm going to try to remember those feelings I had when I was young and see the loveliness in it instead of just noise.

The other moment was in the minutes right before sleep.  I wasn't feeling well, but my husband rolled me over into a hug and whispered the sweetest thing.  I was going to share it, but I think I'd rather keep it to myself.  Headache and incoming allergies aside, I felt so good at that moment.  Comforted and loved and appreciated and grateful and safe and happy.

Sappy maybe, but those few seconds were instantly the absolute best moment of my day.

My Two Cents

Hello.

I took a break yesterday.  I had plenty of time to write, but I wasn't feeling it.  I realize the point of the writing challenge is to write every day regardless of how you feel.  It's just to get you in the habit.  However, I didn't feel like writing just to write if I didn't have anything worth sharing.  After all, the rules for the challenge are more like guidelines anyway.

Today I'm supposed to give you a piece of advice.  I hardly feel qualified to do so, since I feel as though I'm constantly trying to absorb it from other people.
In fact, any bits of advice that pop into my head, do so because it's something I'm telling myself to do, something I'm trying to change in my own life.
I recently heard someone refer to Instagram as "shallow."  I suppose it could be.  But I'd like to think the intentions behind it aren't.  I find myself looking for beautiful moments in every day.  Tiny moments that I want to remember.  That I want to soak up and share with others.  I don't think that's shallow; I think that's learning to appreciate every bit of life.
For example, on the days that Jered doesn't work until the afternoon and is able to sleep in, if I'm not running too late for work, I eat my breakfast in bed.  Sometimes I get a snuggle while I eat my oatmeal, but sometimes I just get to stare at him.  (I'm not as creepy as I sound.)

I love how his hair is matted in crazy angles, how he burrows into the blankets, and how he has a boyish sweetness in his sleep.
I want to remember those moments.  So that would be my advice to you.  Look for the beautiful, sweet, and magical in the mundane moments of life.  In the sleepy mornings when you're snarfing down your breakfast before work, take a second to look around and find the precious.  When you are on a routine stroll, and you catch the scent of the brink of summer, take note of that moment because it's worth remembering, if for no other reason than how it made you feel in that second.
That's it.  Just a simple bit of advice from little ole me today.  
Until next time,

Aim

Fear

Hey,

On to Day #7: things I'm most afraid of.

Bridges: I hate, hate, hate driving over bridges.  They are too narrow for my liking, and I am always terrified that they will collapse while I'm in the middle of them.  Plus, haven't you seen the movie Susie Q?

Fire: More accurately, my home burning down.  I remember having fire safety lessons in elementary school, and ever since I've had this horrible fear of being trapped in my room while my house burns, not to mention losing all my belongings.

Tornados: Twister?  That movie scared me more than any with bad guys.  Again- the thought of losing my home was horrible.  (Maybe that's the result of living in the same house all my life?)  And then there's the whole getting sucked up into a gigantic funnel part.

Spiders:  Size doesn't matter.  I once paid Katie five bucks to kill one that I found in my bedroom.  They are the things nightmares are made of, people!  And yes, I call Jered into the room whenever I see one.  Well... that goes for any bug to be honest.

Finally, I have some more serious fears, that I think I share with all womankind.  At least, that's what I've been reading in Captivating.  (Such a good book!  I don't know why it's taken me so long to get to it.  I will have to share my thoughts on it after I finish.)

Anyway, those fears would include rejection and abandonment.  You know what I'm talking about, right?  Maybe not one of those on the surface fears, but more of a deep-seeded feeling in the pits of our stomachs?   The kind that turns you into a crazy person every once in a while.  And not just when it comes to our significant other, but in every aspect of life.  Why else would we (I) hate job hunting and interviews so much?

Well, there you have it.  My five greatest fears.

And now for something a little lighter: I have some Jeredisms that I have to share with you.

Monday evening we went to the lake again.  The boy took his slingshot and played in the woods, and I ran the trail.  What started as a lovely afternoon turned into a freezing evening.  My phone thermometer did not take into account the wind that came off the lake.  Add to that the fact that the temperature dropped fifteen degrees from start time to the time I got back to the car, and we had a very under-dressed Aimee.

Anyway, we stopped at HyVee on our way home to do our grocery shopping and to feast on the salad bar.  Whenever we go out we see tons of girls/women dressed in their workout gear.  And I always have the same thoughts whenever I see them.  So I asked Jered, "Do I look like I'm wearing workout clothes because I actually worked out, or like someone who wants to look fit, but really just wants to be comfy?"

"Like you actually ran... But you still look beautiful," he said with a grin.

"Good answer!"

"I'm learning."

Hahahahaha.  He definitely has his moments.

Yesterday as I was getting ready for work, I looked at the dresser and found a pile of slingshot rocks.  After work, he spent a fair amount of time shooting said rocks at a squirrel from our balcony door.

 

Then, to my dismay, he pinned up a paper target to our living room wall, and practiced using his blow gun.  (I found out at that moment that I'm more like my dad than I knew.  I was about to have a conniption at all the little holes he was putting in our walls, especially since we have a perfectly fine cork board in his study.) 

Anyway, he's a laugh.  I guess I'll keep him.

Talk to you later.

Aim