Thoughts at the End

Hi.

So, as the impending arrival of a small human into our lives becomes more and more real to me, there have been a few thoughts circling my brain over and over.  Naturally, if I have to deal with them, I want to burden you with them too.  You are so welcome.

(He's feeling it too.)

I've shared before that I thought I'd have a fit and active pregnancy... before I got pregnant.  Once I got pregnant, I realized how naive I was.  I've ended up having a rather lazy pregnancy.  I started to get back on track towards the end of the second trimester, but then other things like getting the nursery ready and having a huge stomach got in the way.  Other things just took priority.  And even though it's clear that Jered thinks I should be more active, he's been fairly understanding given the circumstances.

However, the time of semi-valid excuses is coming to an end.  Even if I still have a couple of months before working out is suggested, my eating habits are going to need to start going back to normal.  They have been extremely lax, and I've gotten away with it because I'm pregnant.  Something tells me that my late night milkshake runner is going to be less eager once I no longer have the "I'm growing a person" or "J wants ice cream" excuse.

(He staggered the paintings so we didn't have to worry about having them 

even... I didn't do such a hot job when I tried it that way.)

I'm staring down the fact that even after J exits the premises I'm not going to look like my old self.  I'm thinking that will be even harder than looking in the mirror now because at least right now I can say there's a baby in there causing this bump.  Not to mention the physical changes that are going to be even crazier than what's already going on.  (Although I'm hoping my skin settling down is one of those changes.)

I've also started mourning our, especially my, free time...  That might sound terrible, but with steamy summer weather around the corner, I'm thinking about the fact that Jered and I can't just pick up and go out on the boat on any given afternoon and spend hours in the sun.  It seems especially difficult to face because during our last bit of "just us" time I haven't been up to doing those things that I'm losing.  I mean, last year, Jered and I literally lifted his boat into the truck and then pulled it into the lake by ourselves.  That hasn't exactly been a possibility with my physical condition during these last few warm weeks.

I sound like I think being a parent is a death sentence for freedom, and it's not that I don't think life will ever get back to semi-normal, but it's going to be a long time before we can pick up and go like we used to.

(Things are coming together bit by bit!)

It's a really (here's my favorite phrase again) strange feeling to go to bed each night, wondering if I might wake up with labor pains.  Or the thought that my water might break when I'm walking on the skywalk to lunch one day.  Or to simply have a huge question mark over the next few weeks even though there is actually stuff written on the calendar.  It's a little terrifying to be honest.

Jered's confident as ever.  (Although I wonder if he is as calm, cool, and collected as he appears because he's been grinding his teeth a bit at night.)  But he is at least keeping it together enough to talk me down when I get overly nervous, which at the moment, mostly has to do with what my body is expected to do in the hospital.

At least I know I "got [him] for life now," (he thinks he's so funny) as we finally got a tattoo band for him.  We've gone through FIVE rings now.  No more.  No more.  

Well, hope you loved every minute of dipping into the pregnant lady's brain today.  It's a picnic, huh?

Aim