Oh Baby!

Hey.

Back so soon?  I know.  Cra- to the -zy.

Last night I had my last pre-baby hair appointment.  Gotta take care of those grays, you know.

Who wore it better?

Anyway, the lady doing my hair this time was a mom of five, so we had a lot to talk about compared to the last time I went in and had a girl who was totally freaked out by baby kicks.  She shared stories, offered advice, asked me lots of questions about how I was feeling and preparing, and it was nice.  Before I left she even gave me a hug and told me to come back with baby pictures next time I get my hair done.

I've found that it's too easy to focus on everything but the baby while I'm pregnant.  On one hand, I feel that I am constantly thinking about it, but on the other, I almost forget about it.  Let me explain.

The fact that there is something living and growing and moving inside me is hard to forget.  My life is filled with reminders.  Whether it's my ever-expanding middle, or my frequent need to visit the restroom, or that I sometimes forget to open a door wide enough for me to fit through, or that I'm not able to do some of the physical things I never paid much attention to a few months ago (like making it all the way in up the stairs and in the door with all the groceries in one load), or the the fact that I don't sip on wine on Scandal night along with the other girls, I am reminded that things are not the same.  

There's other stuff too.  The spare room looks like a baby's room now.  There's detergent that smells like baby with the rest of the laundry supplies.  People ask about it all the time.  Swaddle blankets, burp cloths, diapers and wipes are now stationed around the apartment.  An infant car seat is in the living room, waiting to be strapped into the car when the time comes.  A stroller is sitting in our entryway.

Then I have my fears.  You know... the hospital, what my body is going to go through, a crying baby... what my body is going to go through.

I have all of these reminders around me daily, hourly, and yet I sometimes forget about the baby.  I am consumed with preparations and body changes and a future that looks different than what we're used to.  And I don't think that's necessarily bad.  It is a huge change, bringing so many new things into play that I/we now have to think about- like childcare and pumping and teaching someone that we don't throw rocks at people. 

And then, it hits me.

It's not just a baby.  It really is a little person.  A little person that will grow up with quirks and attitude and hopefully a speech impediment where he/she can't say "r's" for a while.  A little being with feelings and love and humor.  A little boy or girl that, even if I'm not a mom who instantly connects with her baby at birth, will rock my world and teach me so much about love and sacrifice.

I remember how much I love the boys I nannied for, and how my heart broke when it was time for us to move because I wasn't going to see them all the time.  How, even if they were working my nerves, I loved them, and a single sweet word or drawing or funny little dance would melt me.

I remember my nieces and the amazing amount of joy they have brought into all of our lives.  The first time I heard "Aunt Maimee" and the snapchats saying "miss you!" that made me cry.  How much I am going to miss being there to see them grow over the next four years.  The giggles and the cuddles and "up please's" that keep me falling in love with them all the time.  

And then I remember that we are going to have our own.  And it won't just be a little alien being that changes everything we know.  It will, but it will be so much more than we can even imagine yet.

And theeeeen, if possible, I become even more overwhelmed than I was before.

But we'll make it.  We're almost there.  If you're keeping track, we are now two weeks from estimated due date.

Talk to you later.

Aim