Letters From Me, To You: Big

Hi.

It's been a big week around here. We started off the weekend with a fun visit from Jeremy and Kellyanna (a term for Jeremy's two ladies, coined by Lily). Unfortunately, my body chose a terrible time to revolt, and I spent most of Sunday and Monday sick, sick, sick. Not fun at all.

We had the wise idea to take advantage of IHOP's free pancake day on Tuesday... along with everyone else in Des Moines. (I guess that works out better when you're in college and go late at night instead of right at dinner time.) We skipped over to Perkins instead, but I don't think we were the only ones with that plan. It took for. ev. er. Poor Lily was getting so anxious, and no one could blame her when it was after her bedtime and we were still waiting on our food... I was feeling grumpy by that time too.

I finished seasons of two different shows: House of Cards and How to Get Away with Murder. Both left me with my jaw on the floor.

It's been a big week in other ways too though. By that, I mean literally. Large. I am large.

At the risk of sounding redundant, being pregnant is strange. It's quite the sensation to look at yourself in the mirror over the course of a few months and stop recognizing the reflection of your body. I've never had washboard abs, but the bulbous thing in my middle just keeps looking more and more foreign to me. Especially the belly button that seems stretched to its breaking point.

Weird.

I panicked a little today because I think the stretch marks are starting to form. Duh, duh, duhhhh.

With that being said, I also think I had my very first feelings of love towards little J this week. That might sound horrible and anti-maternal, but it's the truth. I've felt affection for him/her I guess, but not until a couple days ago, did I rub the spot where a little foot pushed out and feel love. And I'm preparing myself for a similar delay after the little stranger arrives. After all, it's a whole new person to get to know.

After a too-long break from my dreamer and doer devotional, I dug back in the other day. I just can't say enough good things about it, guys. I love it. It's not lofty; it feels like it was written by a friend, or even myself in a dream I don't remember. Know what I mean? Like they know how I think.

The other day I was on the prayer that talked about seasons. That God... He just always seems to know when we need to hear something over and over, doesn't He?

I love this line because it includes "my spirit." I feel like my heart and mind could be prepared for a season, and I could still have a wrong spirit toward whatever is coming. Like special people moving away, for example. Again, I want to have a spirit of peace this year, not a spirit of discontent or anxiety.

It also struck me this week that it's easy to get caught up in being pregnant. By that, I simply mean that a ton of things are changing about my body that I'm still not used to, we're making different kinds of material preparations, and even without another human at our house, our lifestyle has changed a bit. However, in a few months, there-is-going-to-be-a-new-human-at-our-house. One that is totally and completely dependent on us.

And that's a ~~little~~ frightening. In this internet age, it's a blessing and a curse to be privy to so many differing opinions at the click of a button. You can go ahead and click on just about any "mommy" article from any opinion camp on any topic, and you will find blasts against the other side. It's so easy to feel like you're making a mistake. (And I'm not even parenting yet!)

Thankfully, whoever wrote the prayer for the seasons part of the devotional realized/remembered the truth.