Letters From Me, To You: Ink and Conviction

Dear reader,

We're friends, right? Of course we are. Otherwise you would not be here reading and sharing in my life and inmost thoughts, nor would I be sharing them with you.

Today I'm especially glad we're friends because I have some confessions and prayer requests to share with you. And I know that you will love me unconditionally because that's what friends do.

Let's start off with the light, k?

I just spent a fantastic weekend with my fun-loving little sister. We had a blast. At one point I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. It's been awhile since I laughed that hard.

We sunned, we shopped, we found some garage sale winners and even bargained for them, we watched flicks and laughed at our identical reactions over and over, we went out for sushi and took our time to relax and enjoy our evening together, and we got inked.

I was hesitant to share this with you because I know there are many mixed feelings about it, but I also know that I am the last person to rush into something without thinking about it, so you will know that a great deal of thought and heart went into the decision.

What I find cool is that we each had decided on our own, but we didn't realize until later that they went together. Katie's is a picture of an anchor and a cross, representing faith and hope in Christ. I chose the script "but the greatest of these is love."

I'm excited about how that worked out.

Now, with the heavy: my conviction. No, I do not feel convicted about getting a tattoo. I quite love it actually. I wanted it as a reminder because in case you haven't noticed, for the last several months I've been talking about how I want to learn to better love my husband.

Even though we are friends, I am embarrassed and a bit ashamed to admit to you that I am really bad at having purposeful, quiet devotional times. So today, after Katie left I decided that I was going to spend some time out on our balcony studying the chapter our tattoos came from and finishing Forgotten God.

Have you ever noticed the sentence that leads into 1 Corinthians 13? I just fell in love with it recently: "And now I will show you the most excellent way." I just really enjoy how Paul says that. (And admittedly, a small part of me hears him saying that in a surfer boy voice, which is amusing.) But seriously- the most excellent way- sounds like I need to listen up.

As I read, I realized that I needed that reminder more than I thought I did. You guys, I know I constantly tell you how slow on the pick up I am, but seriously! I mean, we chose this passage for our wedding ceremony. I've studied it how many different times? And still, I read through the characteristics of love and thought of ways that I fail in each and every one, and I mean F.A.I.L.

I fall utterly and miserably short on each account. Over and over and over again. Weekly, daily, hourly. (I'm sure Jered could attest to that, but he's too sweet to say so.)

Here I am, talking about love and what I need to learn about it in almost every other letter, and still realizing just how bad a lover I am. (And I don't mean that in a way that would make anyone blush.)

So then I move onto Forgotten God, which in case I didn't mention before, is a book about the Holy Spirit. And wouldn't you know, God uses the chapter to walk hand in hand with my problem with loving.

Let me share some of what stuck out to me:

Have you ever prayed that God would so fill you with the Spirit that people would know the change could be empowered only by the Spirit? It is when we are filled with true peace and hope that people notice there is something different about us.

Even in our daily living we can look more like the prophets of Baal as we live our lives, running about in a frenzy, trying to fix our problems, not stopping long enough to call on the power of God Almighty. (The part in bold is what I ran my Hilighter over furiously.)

He desires to do more than "help out" a bit. He wants to completely transform us.

Instead of mustering up more willpower, let's focus our energies and time on asking for help from the One who has the power to change us. Let's take the time to ask God to put the fruit of His Spirit into our lives. And let's spend more time with the One we want to be more like.

Now, I don't think that this chapter was written with wives learning to love their husbands in the author's mind. However, I do believe that God can use various things to teach us what we need to learn. And when it comes to love, it all goes back to His love for us. That's where it all starts. How can I love my husband if I am not learning to love from God? And if I cannot even love my husband, the man I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with, in a way that mirrors how God loves, how can I possibly love people I hardly know?

Several times in the midst of this single chapter, I had to put the book down and cry through prayers because I felt like such a fool for being so slow in a subject that I once thought I aced. I thought I loved my husband so much. And in my heart and mind, I do. So, so much. He is the love of my life. He truly delights my soul. However, I am such a failure in my actions so often. And generally, I thought I loved people and cared, but what have I done to show that love? What have I done to share God's love?

Humiliatingly little.

Thankfully, this chapter offered hope to me because it reminded me of the awesome power of the Holy Spirit, the forgotten God, the One who lives in us. He is there waiting for me to call on Him and ask for His strength and work in my life. Dare I say I get it now? (As soon as I do, He will surely point out more that I don't.)

Maybe I should say I get what I've been doing wrong: trying to do it on my own. (In more aspects of life than just loving, but that's what I wanted to focus on today.)

Well friend, I hope that maybe you can be encouraged by that thought just as I was today, and that it was helpful if you needed to be reminded like I did.