Ugly

Hello.

It's Friday. We made it. Well, almost. I can't wait to get outside a bit this weekend! It will be gloooriouuus.

My other big plans this weekend revolve around our spare room.  Now that the rest of the apartment has had some TLC, the spare room's day has come! Especially since it will have a tenant next week. Hurray for spring breaks!

I've told you before about my ever growing, blog reading list.  Well, yesterday I found a stunner.  To be fair, I didn't find it on my own.  A fellow blogger and college classmate posted a link from the blog, and after reading less than two full posts, I was in love.  

Seriously you guys, you should probably start reading it right now.  Don't even finish this letter, just go, and then come back later:  Laura Lawson Visconti's Blog

It's like this girl knows my heart. Like we are kindred spirits, but she can put words to the thoughts and emotions I haven't figured out how to describe yet. Reading her posts make me feel understood. 

It's a pretty simple concept and yet one that's seemingly

 taken a long time to figure out: when I take the time

 to invest in what truly makes my heart sing, 

I will be a better wife, daughter, friend... I will be more me.

                                                                        - Laura Lawson Visconti

That is just one of many excerpts that resonated with me. She is also quite transparent about some trials in her life that I have no experience with.  I've found her posts encouraging, challenging, and thought-provoking.

Anyway, last Sunday our pastor brought up The Scarlet Letter, a bit of reading that I've loathed since the first of the three times I was supposed to read it. (Yes, supposed to.  I don't think I ever completed it. I liked Hawthorne's short stories, but I couldn't find it in my power to like The Scarlet Letter. Sorry professors!)  If you click HERE, Emma will tell you all you really need to know about it.

We are talking about embracing our identity in Christ. One of the points made was that we sometimes hang on to something in our past to identify ourselves, like a sin that we sew to our clothes for everyone to see.  We find our identity in something that we, for some reason or another, just can't let go.

I started wondering what my scarlet letter might be. When I thought of it, I didn't consider it so much a sin, as a personality weakness: insecurity.  The more I think about it though, the more I do think it is a sin, or perhaps a result of the sin of not embracing my identity in Christ. If I embrace who I am in Christ- a child of God, a new creation, an ambassador of Christ, a dwelling place of the Holy Spirit- I wouldn't be crippled by, or wallow in my insecurities, would I?

Insecurity is such an ugly trait. Just hideous. It's bigger than just untagging ourselves in unflattering photos or dreading swimming suit season. It does terrible things to our hearts and minds, making us feel worthless and underwhelming. Not only does it corrode our insides, but it makes us act ugly too. I can't tell you the number of times my insecurity has wreaked havoc on my relationship with Jered because of my ugly behavior.  

I wish I was writing this because I'd mastered a foolproof fix for insecurity, but I'm not. I'm merely spouting off another confession. And while I know that embracing my identity in Christ is the key to overcoming the majority, if not all of my insecurities, it's a little lot more difficult to bring that to fruition than simply admitting it. 

But maybe, just maybe, one of you will read this and know that you're not alone. I felt so alone in this for way too long, until I read a handful of other blog posts addressing the same issue, and then I began to feel understood.  It was nice to know that I'm not alone in my irrational fears.  I want to work on this, and I know it will be no small feat, but I am ready to take on the challenge and pray that God will do a mighty work in my life regarding this ugly sin.

Well, I hope you have a perfect weekend. Talk to you later.

Aim