Hey,
Yesterday I told Jered that I would try to be awake when he got home from work since we weren't going to see each other all day. I said this with complete enthusiasm and confidence around lunch time. Ten o'clock hit, and it was a completely different story.
Nothing in the world sounded as good as my warm bed. All I could think about was my alarm going off in a precious "few" hours. However, I held on to my determination and started knitting while watching a movie, and I was able to stay awake until he got home at almost midnight.
And I was so blessed by doing so. I had such good laughs in the twenty minutes between Jered walking in the door and my eyelids giving up the good fight. Heartfelt giggles and carefree chuckles that I desperately needed. I don't even remember what was funny- I was probably just slap happy, but in those moments, I was so content and thrilled with my life, I couldn't imagine anything better.
It may not be exciting or everything we dream for ourselves yet. But sometimes I think that exciting is overrated. Not always, but every once in awhile, it feels pretty magical to have quiet, simple nights.
(Here's the mister getting started on the tanning process of his deer.)
Well, I've been reading, what seems like loads, of articles, blog posts, etcetera, and often I come across religious discussions, varying beliefs, and the like. I get overwhelmed. So many questions, confusing ideas, contradictions, and controversial arguments.
I tend to get caught up in it all. I want to be on the right side, the good side- I want to be righteous. But as I learned way back in Ms. Harr's class, life's not always black and white. Sometimes there's gray. And my personality hates that. I loathe not knowing answers. (In school, I could not sit and work out a question on a test I didn't know. I just got frustrated and stopped thinking, so if I didn't know right away, I guessed hastily and moved on.) I want to know exactly what Jesus meant in some of his statements. When is God being literal and when is it figurative? I want boundaries, explanations, lists!
And so I go round and round... and round in my head. Reading post after post. Seeing questions that other people have about God that I wish I could answer, but can't because I don't always understand His ways myself. Getting caught up in what He wants from us, and getting stuck on the rules and where my behavior falls on that scale.
While I despise arguing and conflict, I do think that we can have healthy discussions that cause us to reevaluate our stances. I think that's beneficial. But sometimes, I think we get caught up in hashing out and rehashing stuff.
I was reminded this week that we only need to have the faith of a child. They don't have the understanding that adults have, but they trust anyway. When I was little, I knew nothing of my parents except that they loved me and were there to take care of me.
The details have their place, but when it comes down to it, I just need to focus on God. On His blessings, His provision, His holiness, His grace and mercy, His might. On praising Him and thanking Him for who He is.
I don't need to know it all. I just need to know Him.
*Enter huge sigh of relief here*
I'm incredibly thankful for that today. He is good.
Until next time, friends,
Aim
At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 18:1-4
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