Grace

Hello friends.  It's been a long time. Way too long.  I'm not sure how that happened... I've had so much to talk about too...

Bear with me... It might get lengthy here...

First off, let me fill you in: Tuesday was my last day at work.  I went back to visit today, and will be going back tomorrow for lunch.  To say I'm sad to go is a gross understatement.  I will miss everyone there tremendously.  Also, after talking to Rob, I mean Dr. Bobell today, I've decided that one day, I will write a post of all the ocular health knowledge I've gained. 

Second, Katie and I have spent the last couple days running wedding errands and starting projects at home while Mom and Dad are away.  Pictures of those to come later!  Can't ruin the surprise, can we?

Speaking of WEDDING!  This weekend, one of my favorite couples are tying the knot. Pallory.  You remember them, of course.  I'm sure I'll have an update on how that goes later.  And then... drum roll please....................... I'm getting married next weekend!!  Words cannot describe, so I'm not going to try.

   

You all know the sappy part of my excitement, and let's face it- it's not really necessary for me to talk about that in detail.  But next weekend will also bring friends I haven't seen in months, and even years.  I may just cry.  It's been since graduation that I've seen some of them.

Well, maybe I should get on to the meat of this letter.  That was quite a lengthy introduction... 

I'm sitting at home alone, listening to the Legends of the Fall soundtrack, and drinking peppermint mocha coffee.  What is it that brought me back to my letter writing in the midst of all the wedding preparations I should be working on, you ask?  I'll tell you: Grace.

I'm going to take a leaf out of Molly's book tonight and look at that word.

Grace has alot more meanings than I thought it did. 

There's a little girl from church named Gracie.  She's one of the most adorable, and truly fascinating children with whom I've had a chance to converse.

(I stole this from her mom's FB page.)

We can have a physical grace, such as the kind my almost-husband exhibited when he fell out of the car, but managed to save the milkshakes.  (Fantastic moment in our early days of knowing each other.)

This picture was taken close to that time... isn't he adorable?  I'm marrying him next week!

Close to our family's heart right now, is the grace that God has bestowed on our cousin, Bryan.  Last week he was diagnosed with cancer.  After the horrible, initial shock we felt at knowing that our beloved 21 year old has cancer, it has been evident that God is at work, and the prognosis continues to look better. 

This is an older picture of Bryan.  I took it back in his senior year of high school.  I chose it because our Bry is strong.  And I know that the Lord will give him the strength to get through this.

But there's really just one I've been thinking about lately.  Which one?

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

My, how lucky I am that God does not base His love for me on works.  Without His grace I would be lost.  Tonight, I am in awe of His patience and His unconditional, unending love.

Do you remember the parable Jesus told about the unforgiving servant?  If not, here's the gist, in my very, paraphrased terms:  So, an employee went to his boss, whom he owed, let's say $1000.  (That's 3 zeroes, k?)  The employee couldn't repay his boss, so he was going to be thrown in jail.  He got down and begged for forgiveness and for more time.  His boss, not only kept him out of jail, but forgave him his debt.  He wrote it off.  The employee no longer owed him $1000.  Nice, huh?  So then, this employee went to a lesser employee, who owed him less money, we'll say $100. (That's only 2 zeroes.. not as big a deal, right?)  He didn't have the money and begged for more time, but was instantly thrown into jail.

(Please, go to Matthew 18:21 for the original rendition of this story, ok?)

I share this story because, how often am I like that first employee?  Not necessarily in monetary terms, but just in terms of grace?  How would my standing be if God gave me as much grace as I give others?  That thought's a little scary. 

I admit to you right now, this week, I struggled giving Jered grace.  For something that wasn't really his fault.  It's just an occupational hazard of being a full time student and someone who's getting married in a week and a half.  I got so frustrated about the fact that he is going to be putting an intense amount of work and time into school these last couple weeks because it's going to affect our "right now."  I am so short-sighted, that it is hard to remember that his dedication to school is to prepare for us to have a good future.  By next Saturday, what I was upset about this week won't matter in the least.

That's just one, little example of how I believe God has been speaking to me about grace this week.  I can't help but feel that we should take a leaf out of His Book, and be gracious and loving to each other.  Why is it so hard?  Jered's the man I'm going to marry after all!  If I can't show him grace, how am I going to show it to anyone else?

Tonight, my prayer is that God will move in my heart. That He will show me grace in abundance and that I may be able to show it to those around me.

How precious does that grace appear...

Talk to you guys again soon! 

Aim*

Sneak Peek

Hi friend,

So about a month ago, Katie and I had another adventure day.  We drove up to see my future home!  That's right, the apartment in which Jered and I will spend our first year of marriage.  Exciting right?

Well, to start off our day, we stopped at a 50s diner on the way to Chicago. We're thinking maybe a new tradition?

So, we arrived safe and sound, and helped Jered by moving Katie's old futon bed into the apartment.  How is the apartment you ask?  It's small, but I think it will be just right for us.  The kitchen?  At first, I was very nervous.  But today, I had an epiphany. 

Our not-full-size fridge will be perfect for two people.  Aaand, it will help keep us from letting food go bad.  As for that miniature-looking oven?  When have I ever needed more room in the oven?  The answer is: never.  The only pizza stones, casserole dishes, and cookie sheets I have ever used have always left more than enough extra space.  And finally- that tiny sink?  That, my friends, will force us into neat habits.  

Great evening view, right?

We were also able to visit Loyola and see where Jered goes to class.  I was very proud of him when I saw his nearly-front row seat.  The school library also has a beautiful view by the lake.  Obviously, Kate and I were thrilled with the school colors.

Did you know Katie had never been to The Bean?  She didn't even know what it was!  Needless to say, after going to school less than an hour away from Chicago, I felt like a failure as a sister.  How had I not taken her before?!

So, we journeyed to The Bean.  Jered had us hop off the El a few stops early, and we ended up walking forever, but hey- what's an adventure without a little something unexpected?  That picture of Katie was her first reaction when she found out what we had walked for so long to see.  It's ok, we all ended up enjoying it.  No worries.

All in all, it was a lovely day with my two favorite people.  And, I'm certain there will be many more days such as this one in our near future.

Talk to you later.

Aim



A Life Well Lived

Hi friends,

This weekend has been very movie-esque for me.  Let me explain:

The memorial service was this weekend.  And in true movie fashion, it rained all morning.  Isn't that just the way?  Talk about setting the mood.

Then there's some kind of grand gesture, or event, or something where people have to work hard together or sacrifice, or plead for the impossible to happen.  Or in our case, have the city of Canton give the ok for us to use the new building, even though it doesn't meet fire safety codes because it was one of Pastor Mike's last wishes.  This was all preluded by scores of people working together to put the sanctuary together in time for the service.

Now, we knew there would be a good turnout, but what we found was a big, new sanctuary that didn't have enough seating for all the people who wanted to pay respect to this man.  And after many men teamed up to add more chairs in the aisles, there were still people standing in the back.

Beautiful tributes were paid to his life, and what his vision for the church really was- the people.  And above all, to his love for the Lord and the purpose He gave him.  There were tears, and laughter, and lots of love.

And there was singing.  Beautiful singing.  And I think that if Mike had seen the sanctuary bursting with people, and heard the verses of Amazing Grace echoing and filling up the room with hundreds of voices, he would have thought that aside from a person coming to Christ, it was the most beautiful thing the church had ever seen.

I don't usually think of myself as a megalomaniac, and I know for a fact that Mike wasn't one, but I hope that I can have just a fraction of the impact that he had.  I don't know how God wants to use me yet, but I pray that I will be effective somehow.

Ah, and so to wrap up the movie-esque day, as we left the church after the service, what should happen, but that the sun peeks out from behind the cloud?  How's that for the conclusion of a film?

However, I do have one thing to ask.  Do we think that Mike would have been more pleased to see that sanctuary as full as it was on Saturday, for him?  Or the next day, for Him?

Just a little something for us to think about until next time...

Aim

Nutshells

Hi reader...

It's been a while, huh?

My brain has been all over lately.  Wedding. Work. Jogging. Weather. Registry. Summer. Babies. Death. God. Food. Prayer. Health. Growth. Apartment. Books.

I'm not enjoying this new, normal, cooler weather.  That warm weather we had for the last few weeks, spoiled me rotten.  It was perfect for jogging.  I'd gotten into a perfect routine.  But cooler weather, and a visit from Jered, have thrown me off a couple days. Time to jump back on it though.  The only draw back to jogging in the warmer weather: clouds of gnats. 

Along with my jogging, I'm attempting to eat a little better.  And while I refuse to be a health fanatic, like my enthusiastic betrothed, I have cut out a significant amount of pop and nearly all fast food.  I'm feeling so good, in fact, that I treated myself to some new tops for jogging.

Jered and I had our first pre-marital counseling session.  I think it went well. I just ordered our books online.  I've also started a book in my small group about learning to be a praying wife.  Some of my favorite stand-out parts, thus far, were when the author reminded me that we have been given authority over the power of the enemy, and that in her marriage, prayer built something good every day.

This weekend we also started registering online.  I thought it would be fun. I was wrong.  It took ridiculously long to choose a comforter.  Even though we're only deciding on things that will fill an itsy-bitsy, teeney-weenie, studio apartment, and will have to get a lot more once we move out of that apartment, I felt like each choice was a life or death decision.

And of course there's the other stuff.  The serious stuff.  I always wondered how I would react to death.  What my grieving process would look like. Now I've had to see it.  And I don't really know what to think about it.  I don't know how I'm handling anything.  I think, maybe, that my style is not to think about it.  Distractions.  They work.

When I said I was thinking about babies- don't freak out- they aren't for me.  Not even close.  I've just been babysitting every week.  And today, I wondered about those babies' futures.  What will they do? 

What kind of girl will Josie grow up to be? 

What will Elle do when she grows up?      


 Will Johanna always be so ornery?


Will Michael be a pastor someday?

Will Lily always be so pleasant?

Will Claire be a ballerina?

Life is a strange thing.  It's strange to think that the elderly patients I see every day were once babies being watched in the nursery.  It's bizarre to see someone whose birth I remember, getting married this summer.  It's weird to see someone weekly, and then just have them be gone one day.  Not to be heard from or seen in person again. 

And so, I can plan to not think about that stuff, other than a post here, and maybe there... but then, who am I kidding?  Whether I try to or not, I can't always be distracted, and I tend to be a thinker.

Well reader, until next time I decide to think somewhat deeply, farewell.

Aim

Oatmeal, Books, and Air

Hello friend.

It's my day off. And a wonderful day it has been.

My day started with a delicious bowl of oatmeal. I've learned that letting a little butter melt in my oatmeal really tops it off perfectly.

I spent the first hour and a half of my waking hours digging into my book. Firefly Lane was my Christmas present from Jacob this year. (I have a secret hunch that it was really from Molly... haha) Although I'm right in the middle of a slightly depressing phase in Tully and Kate's lives, it was delightful to spend some uninterrupted time in their story.

And then- this is where it gets really exciting- I went for my jog. True, halfway down the block I was wishing I had layered up a little more. True, the wind was a weeeee bit unbearable on the long stretch of road next to the bare field. True, my ears hurt from the cool air. And true, when I returned home, my body was numb from the activity, aside from feeling that I needed to vomit.

True, parts of my jog were slightly rough, but then, there was truly no more invigorating feeling I experienced this morning. When I walked back through the door, I didn't feel like my body was going to collapse. I felt like I could float all the way upstairs to my room. Fantastic. I just can't wait until there's still daylight after I come home from work, so I can do this everyday again.

Now, I'm enjoying writing for the first time in about a month, and loving a Grey's episode. Soon Katie will be home - yay for unexpected class cancellations - and we will spend our afternoon doing fun, sisterly stuff.

Well, usually I don't like giving a blow-by-blow account of my day because... well, even though we're friends, you probably don't care to have one. =) However, it's just been such a lovely day, I thought I'd share it with you.

Gotta run,
Aim

I've got Sunshine

Dear friend,

Did you go outside to day? It was magical. An absolutely stunning day. A day when I desperately wanted to skip out on the afternoon of work.

Alas, I returned to work, against my better judgement.

All I wanted to do this afternoon was go outside for a jog. I cannot wait until it's still light outside when I get home from work!

And so it is, that God always gives me a little light in the midst of a dark spell. Whether it is forecast related, or just plain, life related, He's kind enough to send little rays of sunshine down to me, and they come in all different shapes and sizes.

Hope you found something to smile about today too...

Later,
Aim

A Love Letter

[preface: this is a long overdue letter. I've told many people this story already. Maybe you've heard it... but today, I'm going to write it to the one person who should really know what went on in my head. warning: the following may be sappy... I'll try to keep that to a minimum.]


To my betrothed,

I can't stop looking at my left ring finger. Its new adornment is more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. Thank you.

I know you've sat with me and told the story to lots of people too, but I would like to have something in writing, and I want to tell you exactly what was going on in my head during all of the excitement.

So, I'll start with the days leading up to Christmas. You and your cryptic little hints. You drive me crazy. And I'll admit, the idea of a proposal had popped into my head against my better judgement. Every time it crept in, I shut it out though. I was ready to wait for you to get done with Loyola before anything happened. And besides that, I was absolutely certain you would never, ever present me with a ring at Christmas because you said that "every girl expects a ring at Christmas; it's so predictable."

As Christmas drew nearer, I tried to hold you to your earlier offer of making it over for our Christmas night at The Farm. However, you started backpedaling and saying you couldn't do it. Naturally, I was frustrated. =) To the point, that even on Christmas day, I was trying to coax you into coming to our house.

On our way home from church that day, I received this text: And don't let her touch the box til everyone's ready. Cuz it will be precariously placed over me... When I asked you what you were talking about, you told me that the message was meant for Jake and that your pa had gotten your mom a ring for Christmas. Good cover... I totally bought it. I pictured all of the Flinkmans circled up in the living room, with a tiny box hidden somewhere near you, and thought how excited your mom would be.

So we pulled into the drive, and Katie starts talking about how badly she needs to use it. She's running to the side door asking Dad to let her in so she can run to the bathroom. I don't think anything of it because that's pretty normal... But it's cold out, and I run to the door right behind her. Dad really saved the day. Any and every tiny bit of bewilderment I may have possessed, evaporated when Dad squeezed by me to get to the door and whispered that he had another surprise gift for Mom inside. Dad loves Christmas, just like you do, and he likes to keep a special present for later so that it's a big surprise.

We all go inside and make our way to the living room, I feel wrong being the first one in the living room because I don't even know what Mom's surprise gift is, and I don't know how Dad wants this to play out. I turn back to let them go first, and I see Dad grabbing the video camera out of the cedar chest, and I think to myself, Whoa. He got a dog! Why else would he possibly need the camera?

So we go back into the living room, and setting in front of the tree is a big gift. Just big enough for a dog. The box is covered in the blue wrapping paper with white snowflakes, and there is a big, shiny red bow and ribbon curls on the top. As Dad pulls the camera up to his face he says, "Oh wait. This one's actually for Aim."

More bewilderment.

I walk to the gift and start to unwrap it from the top. Someone tells me I can probably just lift the box up off the ground. As I do, it moves upward without me. Excitement floods through me as I realize you are popping out of this mysterious box. And then you're standing in front of me, laughing and hugging me like it's been a year since you've seen me.And I think to myself that being able to have you there for two days, including Christmas day, instead of just one day after Christmas is the best present I possibly could have received. But then you say you have something else for me, and you get down on one knee.
Unbelief. Shock. Pure joy. I'm shaking my head and hiding my face in my hands because tears are building and sliding down my cheeks. I look at your face and see the same joy and the same tears. And through all the thoughts shoving around in my head, I hear, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

I see no ring, no camera, no people. Just your face. And then I'm jumping up and down and saying yes, over and over, in case you don't hear it the first time.

The rest of the day is punctuated with telling and retelling parts of the story. We discover that Katie cut it close on a visit to the mall with me. She had tried to point me out to the salesgirl at Kay's, and I noticed her movement. When I asked her who she was waving to, she said she thought she knew her but didn't, and rushed me off to another store. And as fun as all that is, the most wonderful part is having you there, at my side the whole time.

You should know that the excitement hasn't worn off at all. Last week, Katie and I went shopping for bouquet flowers. At first, the overwhelming variety of flowers threatened to overpower me. and then, I realized, I'm choosing my wedding flowers! This is for real!

But it's not just the flowers. We're talking apartments, and honeymoon destinations, and bridesmaids, and groomsmen, and suits, and a dress!

And all of this is just a big, beautiful entrance into our life together. And I'm so excited. So, I guess after all this talking, what I want to do is thank you. Thank you, Jered, for making me the happiest girl in the world. I can't wait for our future.

Love,
Aimee