The end of another, shorter chapter...

The summer is over.

I mean, if you look at the calendar, it will tell you that it isn't. Actually, in some ways, it isn't over for me either. It isn't as though I have to go back to classes this week along with everyone else. However, that is where my mind has been traveling back to for the last few weeks. My brain keeps bouncing off a glass wall separating me from TIU, and it is a really, for lack of a better adjective, weird feeling.
Very few students think they will ever say they can't wait to go back to school, yet it is where I am longing to be now. At the beginning of the summer, I was ready to never sit in another class again, to never take notes again, to never have another deadline for class...

After eighteen years of doing just that however, I feel a little lost without it.

More than that, I will miss TIU. As much as students can complain about it, it is a wonderful place. I find myself missing the simplest things. Little things that I won't enjoy here at home.

I will miss seeing Dr. Graddy walk across campus with his winter hat, and listening to his devotionals in class. I miss the feeling of getting ready in my suite, and listening to the hilarious conversations of my friends. I will miss seeing the same people on the sidewalks, in classes, and in the dining hall, that I have seen for the last three years. I am sad that I will never watch Jered play another football game. I miss having class with the same people every year, getting to know them better, and becoming great friends and spending hours studying, or trying to study in the computer labs *cough*Bek*cough*. I miss feeling like I'm a part of "Chicago suburbia." I will miss the convenience of living next door to great friends, where they are always just a few steps away.

I will miss going to Pie Day with everyone, especially Jered, Jeremy, and Kelly, going to the beach with them and Bam and Myriam, and late nights at Dennys.

I will miss seeing Jered dressed up in his football swishy-suit. I miss eating dinner with the guys. As much as I complained about it, I will miss going to band and sporting my sass. I will be sad to be unable to have a random movie night in the suite with the girls, or to watch Adolf and Miss B running around the suite scaring Megan.

I will miss climbing up on top of the press box at night to enjoy massive clouds, millions of stars, and the last of the warm fall breezes. I will even miss those horribly cold walks across campus in the winter.

Have I made my point yet?

In case I haven't, or you missed it, I will miss TIU more than I thought I ever would. I will miss the fun times, the annoying hassles, and the people.

I suppose this is on my mind because last week I helped Katie set up her dorm room, and today I helped Jered pack up the car to go to school, and I feel lonely and nostalgic.

Hm... This isn't where I intended this blog to go, so if you will be patient, I will get on with it. Sorry for the lengthy tangent. Perhaps, the rest will carry a slightly happier mood with it.

This summer seems to have flown by quicker than I could have imagined. There were things I dreaded, and things I was nervous about, and clearly, I am not all too thrilled with where things are going now. However, I did end up having a wonderful summer. Here are some highlights:

I started out with a fabulous trip to Ukraine. I had more fun than I expected, made wonderful friends, and was able to see God work in many ways.

I spent a few precious days at my grandparents' house in Mississippi.

Jered spoiled me for my birthday.

We enjoyed spending time with friends before a wedding, and had quite an adventurous weekend as a result.

We had fun girl days.

We took a fun-filled vacation to Branson. Jered rode his first roller-coaster, and we all laughed at his expense. We also sat through hours of rain to enjoy a baseball game.

I read fun books to my heart's content.

I was able to visit Jered and his family a couple different times, including his birthday weekend.

Now as look to the upcoming school year that I will not be a part of, I am sad. I know it is only for a season, and that there is a purpose for me where God has me, but I am still in the process of understanding His ways. In the meantime, I am determined to find ways to break up this year into smaller increments filled with fun.

Bring on the paints, books, and writing!

Tears into Laughter

I started my new job today. I am the new receptionist cashier at Sam Leman Dealership.

It was the worst. first. day. ever.

I'll start with last night. I was having the typical night-before nerves, just like I always had before the first day of school. I went to bed extra early to ensure that I wouldn't be too tired, and I set my alarm to give me an hour to get ready. Then I decided that I wanted to give another hour to allow myself extra time to eat and prepare.

I awoke this morning when the sun peeked through my blinds. My alarm hadn't sounded yet, so I figured I would get a few more minutes of sleep before I needed to get out of bed. When I opened my eyes later, I still hadn't heard my alarm, so I decided to look at the clock to see how much time I had left.

One hour.

Unfortunately, it wasn't an hour left of blissful sleep that I had, but an hour before I had to be at my new job, which is at least 45 minutes away from my house.

Needless to say, I bolted out of bed, washed my face, threw on the clothes that I had thankfully pulled out last night, and pulled my hair back. There was no time for make up. There was no time to straighten or curl my hair. There was no time to iron my clothes. I ran downstairs, brushed my teeth, and burst into nervous, angry tears as I hopped into my car.

In my rush to exit the driveway, I backed into the flowerbed.

Then I had to stop to put enough gas into my car to get me to work.

I was a few minutes late. I went in to see my new boss, apologized for being unable to come in for the drug testing previously because I had been out of state, and she said that was fine and began to give me the directions to where I needed to have the testing done. She told me that I would fill out my paperwork when I returned.

The place was less than 5 minutes away. It took me over 30. I called my dad to ask for directions, and he told me to ask someone. I was crying again. I stopped at a bank, and they couldn't help. I called the place, but they had to transfer me to a different branch. They gave me directions from where I was, and I went inside to see if I was at the correct place.

No such luck. She gave me more directions, and I finally found the right building. I went to the desk and signed in, but when I was asked for my photo id, realized I had left it in the pocket of my shorts when I went to the DMV two days ago. She asked me if I had any kind of photo id, and I sure didn't. She had to call my new boss and ask her to describe me. How humiliating. Again- on the verge of tears.

But the humilitation doesn't end there. I walked to the back and was handed a clear plastic cup.

Great.

By the grace of God, I was able to fill it. Talk about awkward- walking out in the hall with an open cup of bodily fluid to give to the nurse. Luckily, that was the end of that.

I made it back to work in just a few minutes, and spent the next hour filling out paperwork.

Then it was to the phones, where I could never remember the correct order and constantly mispronounced names. I spent the rest of my time doing this.

So I get to go back tomorrow and try the whole thing over again... I hope without the embarrassing parts, and definitely without the sleeping in thing. I would love to go in and feel confident about the way I look at the very least.

Now as I tell the story, I am able to laugh because it seems like something that should happen in a reality t.v. show. At the time though.... well it was just a bunch of tears and anger. I put on a happy face while I was at work, partially out of nerves, and I will keep doing that, but I hope that the nerves die down, and that things run a little more smoothly.

Eventually the nerves will be gone, and God will turn those tears into pure laughter, but as of right now, the laughs are still a little damp.

Side Roads

Yesterday was my dad's birthday. He had to work most of the day, so our family time to celebrate his birthday was at breakfast at 7:30. Kate and I rooooolled out of bed and somehow found ourselves sitting at the dining room table staring at blueberry waffles.


Before breakfast we presented our dad with a birthday gift, for which we were quite proud. The day before we had gone shopping with the intention of finding a present for him, but we had no idea what to get. And that's where my ramblings begin tonight.

Kate and I headed over to Peoria as soon as we were ready Friday morning. We couldn't even imagine what Dad would want for his birthday. We each had a little, and by that I mean very little, shopping money of our own to spend as well.


Our first stop was very unsuccessful for Dad's present. Katie bought some sandals. That was all we saw the whole time. Our second stop was a similar case. However, while trying on clothes with Katie, I had some of the best laughs I'd had in awhile. Here's why:

You can't tell by looking at the picture so much, but Katie was having a blast dancing around with these pants and suspenders, hiking them up as much as she could. She was in love. Haha. Only Kate. We left the store feeling great... as far as our purchases went... but still nothing for Dad. Now what?

We tried the mall. The majority of our time there was spent on the floor of the shoe clearance room in Bergners. I fell in love with a pair of mocassin boots, but unfortunately could not afford them at all. Katie found a pair of black leather boots and really like them. I looked at the price, and told her I wouldn't talk to her the rest of the day if she didn't get them. We left the mall in the exact same state as far as a present for Dad.

We stopped at another store. I can't remember whose idea it was now, but one of us thought about an MP3 player. Just a little one because Dad won't need a million songs. It was perfect. It was something he would never expect, and to us, that made it as good as gold. Of course, we knew we would have to fill it up with songs for him before we gave it to him, but that's ok. Finally success.

Our day had been wonderful. We enjoyed a delicious lunch at Avantis, managed to find the perfect gift, and snagged some amazing deals for ourselves as well- including $3 shirts. What can beat that right? Well, I'll tell you.


Katie and I have been to Peoria hundreds of times. Since Canton is limited on shopping opportunities, we usually make the trip to Peoria instead. This past Christmas break, we managed to get lost somehow, and endured a trip twice as long on the way home.

This time, we made it half way home, only to get stuck in a long line of cars behind a stopped train. It didn't look like we would be moving anytime soon, so we decided to back track and find another way home. Katie was the navigator since we didn't have either of our GPS devices with us... we took the same road we took over Christmas break.

Katie was nearly in hysterics at what she had done, claiming she would no longer be allowed to give directions and suggesting illegal turns across the interstate whenever there were no police in sight. Don't worry- I didn't take this idea.

Unlike Katie at the time, I was able to see the humor and silver lining to this moment... Maybe because it wasn't my gas or my fault. Instead, it was an adventure in which we were able to prove ourselves. We managed to find home through a much better route than last time, and were able to spend a little extra time in the car together. If you haven't ridden in the car with us, this means more time to sing at the top of our lungs. Friday was a Michael Jackson- The Way You Make Me Feel, and Christina Aguilera- Ain't No Other Man, kind of day. In other words- fantastic.

Even though nothing that day really went how we planned, the side roads took us on a wonderful, unforgettable journey. We found the perfect gift after exhausting many main roads, managed to pick up some jewels ourselves on the way, and we were able to enjoy a special, humerous time together, all because we took a different road.

What's in a Pencil?

For as long as I can remember, I have loved to draw.

I still have drawings from when I was in the 1st grade. They include my dream-house on the beach. Dogs. People with abnormally large heads. As far as I can tell, they look thoroughly 1st grade.

Drawing is something that I've never really been able to stop. I go through spurts of intense sketching, but even when I am not in the midst of one of those times, I can't help but doodle. My class notes are heavily graffitied, and I often keep them around simply for those doodles.

I don't know what it is about tracing that perfectly sharpened pencil along the slightly rough paper that makes me so happy. Why should it calm, satisfy, and bring me joy to apply and relieve pressure on said pencil to create shading in a sketch?

Why do I enjoy something that really brings me a great deal of frustration? Why can't I get the eyes or the nose right? Why are teeth impossible? Why do I feel that I always get stuck with the same technique? Why, oh why, is painting soo difficult?

Why do I sit and stare at a piece of paper, holding my pencil at the ready, and find no inspiration? Why do I always look for the perfect photograph to transfer into work of my own hand?

Most of these drawings belong in the "I'll finish someday" category. I usually start out really excited about a project, and then I reach some sort of obstacle. One of those frustrations. And then I stop. And my picture stays in the book waiting to be complete.

I suppose I love drawing because whatever moment, whatever emotion is conveyed in a photograph, I feel I am able to experience in a new way. A deeper way. For example, when I sketched this picture of Jered and me, I got to relive the beautiful moment when he held my face in his hands and told me he loved me.

Or in this one, I was able to see the smile and imagine the laugh that I love so much. I was able to reflect on the joyful heart of my friend, Bek.

The emotion goes through me head the entire time I'm sketching. And then, in some fantastic way, it's as though it travels through my arm and my hand, somehow travels through the pencil, and comes out the end of my pencil. Maybe others can see that. Maybe not. I guess that's why sometimes I'm shy about my work...


So what is it about this whole drawing thing that I love, no matter how angry I get because of it? Drawing takes me to a different place. A place where I can escape the now, relive precious moments, focus on someone, wonder at my blessings, express frustrations and other emotions, and create a new way to appreciate memories and people.

Kate

This is Katie. Or Kathryn Anne if she's in trouble. Her face in this picture certainly suggests that hardly ever happens.

Katie is my sister. We will have been sisters and best friends for 20 years in about a month. Our early friendship was made up of playing with Barbies, pretending to be mermaids at the pool, watching Disney movies, playing with Beanie Babies, My Little Ponies, and Littlest Petshop, playing dress-up and "house," and playing with American Girl dolls. We knew how to have some serious fun.

Then we started going to school. We were three years apart, so we were in different circles at school until we reached high school. Katie was the main reason I remained sane my senior year. That year was her freshmen year, and we always spent time together whenever we had the chance. We were both over the high school scene, and ready for something bigger and better. Thank goodness we had each other.

When Kate and I are together, we feel like nothing could stop us from doing whatever we want, which is usually having fun and laughing. We are quite a force of nature together. Look out world!

Did I mention she's beautiful?
Inside and out. She has the most precious heart. Mercy is definitely one of her strongest spiritual gifts. She has such a heart for people. But let me warn you, she has some snap in her too. Some major snap. If it's a wake up call you need, Katie will give it to you. With gusto.

She has the most amazing eyes. They sometimes look brown. Sometimes, even a little green. But more often than not, they are this stunning amber color. I've never seen anything like them. They are the warmest you'll ever find, I'm certain. And they are huge. The best puppy dog eyes ever. She could get anything with them. Let me tell you, if Tyra needs help teaching those models how to smile with their eyes, she should call up Kate. She'll show them how it's done. She's fierce!


How can I explain all that is Kate in words? I was hoping to give a spectacular depiction of her, but I'm finding that is impossible. I'll try anyway. Katie is...sunlight. Her personality and her soul exude light. If I painted her, I would have soft, brilliant rays of light coming from the tips of her fingers, lips, hair, eyes, and hair.

Katie gives me a smile when I've misplaced mine. She cries when I cry. She makes me laugh. Oh my, she makes me laugh. And I'm not talking giggle. I mean side-splitting, tear-producing, blood-pumping, literally rolling on the floor laughing. And she can make it happen in so many ways. The way she talks, walks, runs on Black Friday, sings, dresses, quotes, tells stories, or takes five minutes to get a joke. She has a sense of humor that sometimes only I can appreciate. She has the best laugh. Listening to her laugh makes me laugh. It is so heartfelt, you can't help but smile. She trips up our stairs. Often. And then she laughs at herself until she cries. She did it this morning as a matter of fact. And goodness she has some attitude. I'm talking 'snap yo fingers and pout yo lips' attitude.

I guess the best way to see what Katie's like is to take a long car ride with her. You wouldn't regret it. Don't bother packing any kind of entertainment. She's allllll you'll need. She will sing at the top of her lungs for you, try to make friends with neighboring cars, make faces at said cars wearing tanning goggles, have a dance party in her seat, and whatever else happens to occur to her.

I decided to write about Kate because she is a large part of who I am. I just can't get enough of her. I'm disappointed already with what I wrote because I don't think it really captures all that Katie is... but... it will have to do for now.

Love ya Kate.

Explanation: Aimee, A History

Well, I am a new blogger. Who know's how long this will last... but we'll test it out anyway.

I had been pondering starting a blog for a few months, but then I continued to put it off. Who wants to read what goes through my mind, right?

I was inspired to follow through with it after reading the blogs of a young woman I really look up to. She is very much like me in many ways, although more mature, level-headed, eloquent in her thoughts, and much wiser. By simply reading her blog, I learned a great deal. My hope is that keeping a blog will allow my thought process to develop and become a bit more like this godly woman.

So where to begin? Maybe with the title I chose for my blog: Confessions of an Aimless Aim. Let's start with the most obvious part: Aim. That's me. Easy enough. Next: Confessions. I'm hoping that my blog will be a starting point for me to be more open and vocal. I'm not that open in "real life," so maybe this will help. Finally: Aimless. I've just graduated from college. If you count kindergarten, which I do, I have successfully completed 18 years of school. So far, the majority of my life has been spent sitting at a desk listening to varieties of teachers try to teach me something. Now I'm entering the "real world" with no idea of what I really want to do. That is my aimlessness in a very brief nutshell.

As I sit here in my room, thinking about what I could possibly write about that would contribute to my first entry, I am surrounded by unfinished projects. My sketchbook is next to me. It is one of many. Along with the rest of them, it contains pages and pages of half-drawn pictures. Pictures of my friends, Jered, dancers, strangers, etc.

Propped against the wall is a large frame my sister gave me. I mean, it's huge. I planned on making a collage to hang in my room. It is completely empty. She gave me the frame earlier this year.

My sister and I switched bedrooms when I left for Trinity three years ago. It seemed fair that she have the larger room since I wasn't going to be home. My new room is pink. Very pink. I've wanted to paint it since I moved into it. Like I said... it's been three years... and it's still quite pink.

In my closet, I have at least three scrapbooks. One for a specific trip, one for various things since high school, and one that I haven't even started yet. None of them have been touched in a couple years.

On my chair is my Ukraine journal/letter. I really wanted to be diligent about writing down everything, even the tiniest details so that I could remember as much as possible about the trip. I stopped two days before the trip ended, and I haven't spent the half an hour it would take to finish it.

My point is this: I have left so many things unfinished in my life. Some minor. Some not so minor. This is not a habit I care to continue. Hopefully, the motivation spurred on by the woman who inspired me to write this little bit about myself will carry through into other aspects of my life.